JOKE 1

An elderly lady takes her sick parrot to the vet. The vet has a look at the parrot, he lifts it up and looks underneath it, he gets his stethoscope and listens very carefully to its heart however he hears nothing. He pokes it and prods it but still nothing. He turns to the old lady and he says "I'm really sorry but your parrot is dead." The old lady does not believe him, surely there must be something you can do for him, try anything please.

So the vet goes to the door and whistles, within a few seconds a black dog arrives at the door. The dog comes in sniffs around and walks up to the table where the dead parrot is lying. He sniffs at its head, he sniffs its wings and he sniffs its tail. Then with a shake of the dogs head it trots back outside the door. The vet turns to the old lady again and says I am sorry it is a dead parrot. The woman again pleads for more tests any chance she can to save the parrot.

Ok says the vet and goes to the door once more and calls out. Next minute in trots a cat, the cat walks up to the table jumps up and sniffs at the parrot, it sniffs its head, its wings and its tail. Then the cat shakes its head at the vet and jumps down and out the door.

The vet turns to the lady and says "Well you have had a Lab Report and a CAT scan, now do you believe me that your parrot is dead!"

JOKE 2

I went to a book shop and asked where the "Self-Help" section was. The assistant told me that that would defeat the purpose!

JOKE 3

A baby camel and his mum were having a conversation. The baby camel asks his mum "Mummy why do camels have such big eyes?" The mummy camel replies that when camels are walking in the desert and the wind begins to blow sand everywhere the camels need big eyes to keep an eye on each other so they do not get lost. Then the baby camel asks his mum why they have such big feet and the mummy camel replies that its to allow them to walk easily on the desert and not to sink into the sand dunes.

"Cool" says the little baby camel "and what on earth are these big humps on our backs for?" Well his mother tells him that camels can walk for weeks without food or water and the humps are used to store fat for those times. Then the mother camel asks the baby why he is asking all these questions. "Well mummy I was wondering if we have all this great equipment, what are we doing in the zoo?"

Learn more about this author, Alison J.
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