by Amy Jo Browne

Created on: March 02, 2008   Last Updated: February 05, 2011

How to get your spouse to admit to an affair is something most husbands or wives often wonder. After months of wondering, seeing hints and so forth some husbands or wives just want answers so they try to get their spouse to admit to an affair. I know, as I have been there myself, I wondered if my husband was having an affair, I wanted him to admit it.

In many ways, I wish I had not found out my spouse was having an affair like I did, but the past cannot be relived. I had questioned him directly many times about my suspicions about my spouse having an affair but of course, he denied it every time. So began to go with him as he visited his so-called friend to see if I could see a hint or two, and the first few times I really saw nothing to question. The third time, though, was a real eye opener.

As they say actions speak louder than words. But on that fateful day I saw and heard excessively much to believe. I heard my spouse admit to his affair by him and his other woman yelling to each other repeatedly that they loved each other as if I was not even there. The incredible hurt I felt was unreal, but I am thankful I heard it just the same, because I was able to get the closure I needed in a very real way.

Getting your spouse to admit to an affair is something every husband or wife needs to hear so that he or she can gain the closure, which is much needed either to end the marriage or to end the dishonesty so the couple can rebuild their marriage.

Rebuilding the marriage is possible if the couple honestly chooses to work together to rebuild the marriage. But it can only happen with brutal open honest communication. Some husbands or wives do choose to accept their spouse admitting to the affair and can rebuild the marriage.

However, some of us after hearing our spouse admit to an affair will walk away from the marriage knowing that the marriage is broken forever because the trust is gone. I know I could never trust my spouse after he admitted to his affair, because he admitted to me after that while trying to woo me back that there had been others and I did not seem to mind about those women. I was floored because I had no idea that there were others before the last one.

I do on one hand feel bad because I broke off all ties with him, as he chooses to ignore our three children who may need him in the future. He has gone his way and we have gone ours, just the children and me who still live in the same home that we have lived in for 14 years now.

If you are choosing to rebuild your marriage after your spouse has admitted to an affair, I appreciate your tenacity. Bu it is not something I could ever do. I am glad I walked away from the 19-year marriage that seemed as if it was a total lie. But I did walk way from that marriage in one piece with three wonderful children who are my world.

Learn more about this author, Amy Jo Browne.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.