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Unicorns are precious. Just because they are magical, doesn't mean they don't need love and affection. Here is a guide on how to treat your unicorn with tender, loving care.

First, you must have a very innocent heart and soul. You must not be convicted of any offence under the Criminal Code. If you have been convicted of an offence, it must be at least ten years back, and you have to appear before a priest inside a church now, and ask for forgiveness. You must also pray and get forgiveness from Jesus. You must be a happy person, one that smiles all the time, and you must be willing to do absolutely anything for your new pet unicorn.

Unicorns are mind readers, so you must not have a "dirty" mind. Most men should not have a pet unicorn because they will teach that Unicorn to think dirty thoughts such as "Unicorn Sex" or "Unicorn Murder". This will ruin the unicorn's pure innocence. You will then be very ashamed of yourself, and the people around you will also be very ashamed.

You must feed your unicorn the finest organic foods such as organic carrots, lettuce, watermelon, and strawberries. Some treats may include organic yogurt with organic blueberries, organic soy ice cream bars, and organic chocolate chips. You must travel the world to get these products.

To make your unicorn pretty, you have to buy a pure gold comb. You must never use regular tap water and soap. Holy water and organic sunshine dust are the only ingredients you can use, to bathe your unicorn. You must use the softest cotton towel, from Egypt, to dry off your unicorn so it doesn't get cold after the bath.

The unicorn must sleep too you know, so don't hog the bed! You will not put your pet unicorn out in the barn because that is Unicorn-Abuse, and the Unicorn-Love-And-Affection-Hot line will come and take your unicorn away, far, far away from you. This would be bad, and you will be nationally known for your poor bahaviour. You should provide your unicorn with the finest Egyptian cotton sheets and blankets. The unicorn should have a nightlight in case it gets scared of the dark or needs to find its way into the kitchen during the night, for a yummy snack. Remember to also have to read bedtime stories to your pet unicorn. You must tell your pet unicorn that you love it very much, each and every night, and give a kiss.

Learn more about this author, Stacy Zahn.
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