by Danielle Kaufmann

Created on: March 01, 2008   Last Updated: June 12, 2010

One of the most difficult and rewarding friendships I have ever been blessed with is my friendship with a guy we are going to call Al. Al is my best friend. There is no one on the earth who understands me half as well as Al does. We have been through a lot together. There have been numerous times when I have cried on Al's shoulder, and even a few where he has cried on mine. We have everything in common, everything. We like the same music, the same movies, same video games and even have a lot of the same hobbies. Al gets me, he understands me and he thinks like me. It also doesn't hurt that he is really good looking. So what's the problem?

My relationship with Al is "strictly platonic" and always has been. Though we have both been, and still are extremely attracted to one another we've never managed to get the timing right, he was with some one when I was single, I was with some one when he was single, you get the picture. Long story short, he has been with a girl for eight years (she's actually a friend of mine) they have a child together and are very happy, I am a happily married mother of two. Al and I are still good friends. It hasn't been an easy road to travel and at times it is still very difficult.

There came a time in my relationship with Al that I had to seriously look at our friendship and decide whether or not I could even talk to him anymore, or be around him at all. He was in a bad relationship and I hated seeing him get hurt,repeatedly, but I couldn't make decisions for him. I decided that I valued his friendship enough to try and keep it alive, but I made up my mind to lay down some ground rules for myself, and these are those rules...

1. Don't allow yourself to hope and dream that things are suddenly going to change and he/she is going to realize that you are the person of their dreams. I am not saying in can't happen, but you could miss out on life if you are living for that day.

2. Don't be a pretend girlfriend/boyfriend. There was a time when just the two of us would go out to the movies or to get lunch " just as friends". Don't do this Am I saying not to hang out? No. Just don't put yourself in the position of stand-in girlfriend/boyfriend. This will only make it hurt more when they are with some one.

3. Don't subject yourself to torture, you can't keep them from dating other people. However, you don't have to sit there and watch them make out with their date.

4. Don't try to figure out why. Attraction is a tricky thing, if you try to make yourself in to their dream date chances are good that you will be changing the things that they do like about you.

One more thing that helped me a lot. Make sure and communicate with the other person, don't write them poetry, but don't be afraid to tell them if something is bothering you and why. At one point I had to tell Al "I can't keep helping you with your relationship with so and so. I have been in love with you for too long to help you continue to get hurt by her." It didn't cause one of those uncomfortable awkward silences and he never talked to me about relationship problems with so an so again.

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