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8 WAYS TO STOP BEHAVING LIKE A MONSTER:
The decline of movie theatre etiquette.

Let me start of by saying, "Excuse me, but I didn't pay twelve dollars to hear your CELL PHONE CONVERSATION!" I'm not sure if movie theatre etiquette is DECLINING or if it's already DEAD. If you think you may be a movie theatre monster, and would like to earn undying appreciation from fellow patrons - follow the simple rules below.

1)SHOW UP ON TIME!

If you are LATE for your choosen movie, simply pick another one. Do NOT walk into a theatre mid-movie, thrashing about, making a bunch of noise, or standing in front of fellow patrons. This is especially true if you are with a large group, or pulling four small children along with you. Everyone else made the effort to be seated before the start of the feature - why should they pay for your tardiness?

2)TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE!

Turn off your cell phone, PDR, gameboy, WHATEVER! Nobody paid to listen to your funky cell phone music selection, or a conversation about your weekend plans. They paid to SEE AND HEAR the movie. SHHHH. If you are expecting an important call - put your phone on silent and vibrate. Sit on the aisle. If your phone vibrates, SILENTLY exit the theatre and have your conversation in the hallway.

3)STOP MAKING OUT!

Rating controls go out the window if there is an X-rated display in the patron gallery. We appreciate you love your better half and feel the need to express this love physically. PLEASE GET A ROOM. Firstly, your behavior embarrasses the rest of the patrons, especially those with children, or those trying to avoid smooching their annoying blind date.

Secondly, no one wants to sit in your biological left-overs. EWWW! Girl please get off his lap! Save it for the back seat of his car. Finally, theatre sex is just plain trashy! So is car sex, but if you're going to do it in a theatre, you've already shown a propensity for trashy behavior. ;)

4)STOP TALKING!

Yes, you are very clever. (Actually, no you're not.) Again, no one CARES to hear your comments about what is happening on the screen. WE CAN SEE what is happening on the screen. We understand it. We might even be thinking what you are saying! However, SHUT UP. OR, if you must continue your unbelievably interesting conversation about "he said, she said"; Or if you MUST argue in public about whatever banality - TAKE IT OUT TO THE HALL. And please, shut the door behind you.

If you think the movie is crap, that's fine... LEAVE. Ask for your money back - the earlier the better!

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