by Bj Binning

Created on: February 29, 2008

Reflections: Living every day with passion

"It matters not how a man dies, but how he lives"

These words of wisdom, above, are essential to my life today. I never ever thought that I would be able to do the things I have done in my life. In my early years, I experienced my step father abusing my mother which devastated me. After many years of marriage, she decided to run for her life and took me with her. We hid for some time and then I was sent away for a few months in fear of what he would do if he found us. We finally moved to another state and he was never able to find us.or maybe he stopped looking.

Years later, my biological father found me after years of searching and began to reach out to me. He wanted a relationship with his only child which my mother agreed to doing. It was planned that during Christmas of that year I would finally visit him. Unfortunately, he was killed a few days before the trip. That was a very low point in my life because that was my chance lost. I never really had the chance to get to know him.

I left home four years later and started a life on my own. I was a grown upat 18 years old, I needed to find myself because I had no real identity. Four months after I left home, I got married to someone whom I had met a few months before. We decided to start a family right away. Sure, we knew what we were doing; he was four years older than I was so naturally I listened to him. I grew up without a father figure therefore I craved any adult male giving me direction.

A few years later, he became abusive both verbally and physically. This was something I had come to know, so I stayed in the marriage for twelve years. Most nights, I cried myself to sleep believing that this was my destiny. And then one day I woke up.

I had prayed for the strength to leave the strength to break the cycle and make a change. I wanted to be able to live the life I wanted to live and experience things that were interesting to me. This was the day I started living. I finished college and then went on to get the best job I knew how to get. I battled with many obstacles but I have truly come out on top.

For the last few years, I have been living my life with passion. I have truly learned to experience life. One of the most tragic things for me was that I put off living because I did not know how to do it. Like some, I waited to be rescued by the "knight in shining armor" that I later discovered was nonexistent. Not for twelve years. I was disappointed, and at the same time came to the revelation that I was dying inside while I was still alive; I couldn't allow it to continue. I realized that there is no such thing as "can't," only "won't" and that all it took was a burning desire to accomplish. to make the change. and I did it.

Today, I live everyday as if it were the last day that I have on this earth. I thank God for my abilities, my strengths, my weaknesses, my children and everything in my life. I had the ability to choose and I chose life. I never wait for moods, I make them. I do not procrastinate. I love to love and dream a lot. I take champagne baths at least once during the week.because I am worth it. I take on challenges just because .I make opportunities for myself, everyday I take a deep breath and tell myself.I can. I can.do anything I want to do.

I stopped looking back at my past because it is dangerous. I continue to look toward my future.the future that I am making for myself. I live life with passion because I never know when it will be my last day on earth.

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