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Relationships fail because of the use of comparisons. By this I mean that as human nature demands we look back and compare the current relationship with those from our past. This holds us back from being truly able to enjoy and love the person that we are currently with.

So and so treated me this way, so when is this one do the same. There is a major trust issue in a relationship when you have been hurt in the past. I know from personal experience that it is not easy not to compare what has happened to me in the past to what is yet to come. We strive so hard to make new relationships work, but we as human beings doom them from the start.

Instead of being able to give the trust and love that we all know that we possess, we have built walls around our heart. This is a natural defense mechanism that we have put in place to protect us from being hurt countless times. It is not easy to take that wall down brick by brick, but it can be done. I am not by any means saying that it is an easy process because it is not. It is very painful to let someone else in. To share your feelings and emotions can definitely cause conflict, not with the other person, but yourself.

Your mind begins to wonder if the other person is doing the same things that the other one did. We begin to doubt if what they tell us is the truth or just a lie to get what they want. Are they where they say they are going to be? Are they really at work or off doing their thing? Why haven't they called me? Are they with someone else? There are a million more questions that nag at the back of your mind, therefore you have ended it before it even had a chance to begin. I have done it as I am sure that many of you have also done.

The first thing that we have to realize is that the person that we are trying to build a relationship with is not the person that hurt us. This person has probably been through the same or similar relationships where they have been hurt. They have this wall built around their heart too. The first step is to start out as friends only. Talk on the phone about 'everything'. This includes your deepest regrets and your need for the other person to understand where you are coming from.

You will really be surprised to find that as human beings we share a lot of commonalities when it comes to relationships. Once you have established a common ground, you will be amazed at the emotional involvement and attachment you can create.

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