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Making friends takes work, pure and simple. You will not arrive in a new environment and automatically pick up a group of friends. It takes intent, diligence, patience, and follow-through. When those things happen, friendships begin to develop and a person has the beginning of a support network. "Good" friendships can take years to develop but there is no reason that you cannot make a new friend everyday, or at least acquire an acquaintance that has the potential to be a friend. Here are a few specific ways to make friends.

GO TO THE PEOPLE

One way to make friends is to be where other people are. That may seem obvious, but it is pretty easy in society to blend into your surroundings and not interact with people. With the onset of technological communication, many people have reduced their interactions to digital dialogue. In order to make friends, one has to engage others in social settings. This can be at work, at church, or at various social settings. The range of social settings is limitless as they can include bowling leagues, book clubs, and classes through the parks and recreation department of your city. Being involved in the community or with various organizations can be a good way to start friendships as well. In the business world it is called "networking" but a side benefit of networking is the development of relationships. It is very easy to say, "hey, we should have coffee sometime" but it won't happen unless you pick up the phone and call the person. That is one of the benefits of the explosion of coffee shops in this country. Getting together for a coffee does not require the same commitment as having dinner or going to an event.

REACH OUT TO THE PEOPLE

Another way to build friendships is to take an active interest in others. People by nature enjoy talking about themselves, so when you ask them questions they will be more prone to ask you questions back. As dialogue progresses, a relationship is formed. Therefore, avoid talking about yourself first when you are getting to know someone. In addition, follow up with acquaintances in order to keep communication ties going. Again, congregate at places like coffee shops. A conversation with a random person is nice, but you will need additional conversations before it evolves into friendship.

KEEP PUTTING IN THE WORK

Making friends can be hard, particularly if you are shy or somewhat insecure about fitting in. The important thing to remember is that most people are happy to be friends with a lot of other people. If you are in a new setting, tell yourself that you have nothing to lose by reaching out to people. If you do that, you may have friends no time. The other thing to keep in mind is that you have to be nice and you have to smile. Granted, these are not natural behaviors for some people. It isn't as if they are negative or mean by nature. Some people just aren't terribly outgoing and they don't "crack" a smile on a regular basis. That is why sometimes we need to work on some of the things that do not come naturally to us. It's easy to say, "well, that's just who I am", but if we want to reach out from our comfort zone and connect with people, we may need to alter our behavior enough to make an impact. Being proactive, nice, and cheerful does not mean that we are denying who we are. Rather, it is an acknowledgment that relationships take work, and it is an attempt to put in the effort to make friends, rather than assuming that people will come to us.

Learn more about this author, Todd Pheifer.
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