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Satire: Parenting

applied to cat fur, produces the phenomenon, which does not subside until after all the fur has grown back in.
Two hours later, I had scrubbed away most of the evidence, the cat was busy tearing the pet groomer to shreds, and I was still yearning for the now-cold coffee. I opened the door to the microwave oven and was greeted by a ramekin filled with melted crayons. This time, my oldest was the culprit.

At that moment I realized that I was raising either a pair of mad scientists or two sociopaths. Either way, I was confident I could put an early end to these anti-social leanings. I knew from my managerial days that one must first uncover the motivation for the errant acts, and then apply an appropriate punitive measure to discourage further endeavors. I was determined to see past the dimples and bright eyes, ignore the deceptively sweet expression and act decisively and firmly.
"Why did you melt crayons in the microwave?" I demanded, anticipating the familiar "I don't know" or "Because" response that children have employed since the beginning of time to confound and stupefy their parents.

Instead, she replied, "I was making lipstick for you, Mommy."

With that one line, my anger and frustration were nullified. Seven little words, and I was rendered defenseless. "Thank you, honey, but orange isn't really Mommy's best color," was all I could muster.

I loved my former career. I enjoyed the challenge and the sense of accomplishment I felt when motivating a difficult employee, winning over a disgruntled customer, or being awarded a promotion or plaques. Yet, amazingly, in all those prior years not one soul ever thought to reward me with homemade lipstick.

There was a time when management meetings and career advancements ignited my enthusiasm. I've since discovered that they just can't compare with standing in the driveway with my daughters, holding a bubble wand out to the breeze and sharing in their giggles as we watch newly birthed bubbles dance across our front lawn.

Learn more about this author, C S Slockbower.
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