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What do you mean "How to win a Presidential Debate?" I am going to win this Presidential debate. All I need is a husband who cheats, a loud mouth, and accuses the other guy of things without any basis in fact.

In the other camps, I can be the son of an African who is seen in a photo in ethnic garb, be accused of being Muslim, (I'm not going to tell you anyway), and get Oprah to give me a kiss and rapt look in front of millions.

Now, if I want to slide over to the GOP, I just have to be radical enough to realize that getting votes means unrealistic promiscuity, no I mean promises. Sorry for that slip. Anyway, that guys leaving office.

So, if I'm the new GOP leader in the run of candidates, I have a Scottish sounding name, a big sweet smile, and promises I likely can't keep either. But, I'll be damned if I'll let those damn donkeys run this country. They're all of bunch of left wing socialist louts.

Oops, Hi Nader, where do you stand on those issues? Do you have any, or are you here for the popcorn and cheap munchies. Oh, I know you are all about the consumer. By the way, what was your salary last year?

OK, now I will put my bid in. I'm an average housewife who is slightly neurotic. I can cook up a storm of country style that can feed an army. That means I can fire the White House chef and his whole crew. All I have to do is move mom in and maybe a sister and we'll feed every dignitary a hearty meal they will love. None of that stupid little pigeon drumsticks and toy carrot crap.

My Dad, he'll be the Secretary of Agriculture. He's been a farmer longer than most of you have been alive. If anyone knows how to make a conservative and moral decision on how to aid the agriculture industry it's a Baptist from Kansas.

My brother will have to stay home. He has to keep the rest of the family in line. He is the oldest of the siblings you know. That's the way things get done in our neck of the sticks. Woods I'm sorry for the slip on the cliche. I'll do better next time.

I've never put a pot in my mouth, none of that weed rolled in paper either. You know that stuff they call marijuana. Hey, I even spelled that without spell checker. I can pronounce it too if you ask me.

Kids will be legislated to have a 9:00 curfew until their senior year at least (of college). Parent's your all failing to be authorities in you own homes. Health and Human Services or whatever your state calls it will get over it when they figure out they have to let us start raising our own children. Quite simply, they don't have enough people stupid enough to buy into that foster system anyway.

Taxes will be cut once I manage to get all the people out there to vote on a huge cut in the salaries of everyone who works on Capital Hill. Except maybe the Pages, they run their poor legs off. Ever notice how scrawny they are. We'll have them over to the White House for some good old biscuits and gravy. Hey Mom, bring along the fatback while your at it will ya?

Oh, almost forgot. We're closing all public schools and reverting to home schooling. We can provide that for free too. Teachers will keep their jobs, but they will only have to work on weekends when the parent's go away for their insanity. Whoops, did my tongue slip again. Nope, I think that was the right word this time.

Vote for me in this upcoming election. I will set this country straight, or kill it trying.

Learn more about this author, Glenda K. Fralin.
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