by Morgan Johnson

Created on: February 28, 2008

Adultery can be forgiven but it cannot be forgotten. True forgiveness requires releasing the memory of the trespass and I don't think it is possible to forget adultery. Such a willful act of betrayal brings pain that lingers for years.

There is a slight distinction between Infidelity and Adultery. Infidelity can be a mistake. A STUPID mistake, but forgivable. I'm talking about a drunken tryst, a onetime goof that isn't repeated. A good marriage can survive that.

Adultery is another thing altogether. It is a fling that becomes a habit. It is three or more nights a week "working late" or "visiting mother." It is whispered phone calls in the middle of the night and unrecognizable voices that hang up suddenly when you answer.

It's a web of lies, broken promises and missed engagements with flimsy excuses.

Adultery is deliberately taking something of value and tossing it in the street. The repetitious nature shows selfishness, lack of respect for one's spouse and one's word. Frequent sexual encounters usually lead to questionable paternity for children inside and outside the marriage.

Who hasn't seen a case where a wife is confronted by her husband's pregnant girlfriend? Or the pained look on a husband's face when he finds out the son he's been raising for seven years isn't his.

Even without children born outside the marriage, the damage lingers for years. The feeling of betrayal will hang over the bed like a specter. Men and women alike will have difficulty reestablishing sexual intimacy.

The question, "What was missing before that made him or her stray?" never fades.

As sick as it might seem on the face of it, the wounded party will wonder what the sex was like for them. "Why did he or she keep going back to the other person?"

Most importantly, "If they get bored again, will they cheat again?"

That lingering doubt will poison the relationship possibly forever, even if you speak the words "I forgive you." The pain will cause you to lose trust in the spouse and monitor their activities more closely.

It's hard not to bring up long forgiven trespasses in the heat of an argument. The adulterous partner might have trouble forgiving themselves. At the very least they won't take being treated with suspicion forever.

Adultery MIGHT be forgivable, but in the long run it's almost always fatal to the marriage.

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