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You: Here are your talking points to win a presidential debate. Keep in mind that your timing, and how you make your points are very, very important. To win, you will have to raise at least a million dollars, provided you take your campaign on horse and buggy. If you take your campaign on horse and buggy, you will be able to claim some remarkable things. " Look at me, I'm a real American" comes to mind. The other standard should be, "look at me I'm a real environmentalist."

Your opponent (YO:) Is the one you don't want to win. YO will be very important to you as she will give you opportunities to overcome, ridicule, and dismiss. You should frustrate YO. If you are the one getting frustrated, you have already lost. When the mediator asks some pointed questions, you should say "I can't believe how negative some people are." You are really not saying this about the mediator. You can't. You should give an impression that you are talking about YO, without it being too obvious.

Your Experience
Your experience will come up as a question. You should say something like "well, I'm very ready. I had a shower this morning and groomed for a good half hour." The idea is the crack up the media and charm the people. When YO makes pointed questions about your experience, you should turn the question around. When YO makes a grand self rally, you should say "really? You should rewrite my resume for me."

Your foreign Policy
Your foreign police position will come up. It ought to. You should say something like, "I'll let the foreigners live as they please." When someone asks you about a specific country, you should reply "let them sort out their problems." If YO is not satisfied with your response, you then should then reply "if you care about them so much, why are you running for president here in this country and not there." You should also bring your own laugh track in case the debate audience are a little lame.

You should also outline your alien invasion policy. It will be "the most comprehensive ever" extra terrestrial policy. You will promise to put together the best minds for this plan and policy. Appoint YO to head this ridiculous endeavor on the spot. If she refuses, tell the people how she doesn't want to serve the public.

Your Economic Policy
If the current economic problem is with inflation, you should fire 2 million workers. That will cool the economy a little bit. You should wait 6 month before firing the next 2 million. If the problem is with sluggish economy, you should deport people by the millions to where the economy is booming. The people will then do amazing stuff since the economy rides on fear and greed. Deporting people would be better than invading a country with soldiers. Ridicule YOs economic policy as old and lacking in imagination.

Oil Policy
You will promise never to invade another country for oil. It is much better to let the foreigners do the work, while the Americans own the oil global company. Then you can get the oil for cheap and not pay the foreigner all that much. If YO says we will find other things other than oil, then say "yeah? Like what? I know where there is a lot of hot gas BS" while looking at YO.

That is an easy way to win the Presidential debate.

Learn more about this author, Jobie Weetaluktuk.
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