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of the results of disobedience. Ask for his/her understanding of available options and the consequences associated with each, to assess whether disobedience is accidental or intentional.

Let the child make his/her own choice of action. Ensure that the appropriate consequences for their choices are consistently applied. If their choice was a bad one, they must accept the negative results of their poor choice and acknowledge the connection between a poor choice and a negative consequence.

More importantly, their good choices must be acknowledged and receive praise and positive reinforcement. Parents are very often quick to punish for poor choices, and then forget to offer praise when something is well done.

The more positive reinforcement a child receives for good choices, and the clearer the understanding of the connection between good choice and positive consequence, the more likely he/she is to continue repeating positive behaviours.

Your children must learn that they can come to you with any problem, no matter how serious, and will receive your unconditional, nonjudgmental love. Unconditional, nonjudgmental love does not replace accountability and consequences for actions. Instead, it represents permission to make mistakes; the connection between choices, actions and consequences; and support for taking lessons from mistakes and using them as opportunities for learning and growth.

Who would have thought that your child's use of foul language/swear words could provide the fertile environment from which caring, thoughtful, sensible individuals can sprout and flourish?

Learn more about this author, Nan Einarson.
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