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Dealing with children using foul language

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It is also important to specify inappropriate, unacceptable places/ occasions for foul language such as: at school, in church, at the mall; in restaurants or movies; in the presence of grandparents or other seniors; and anywhere else within hearing of an adult or child, etc. They also must realize that they are models for younger children, and they must avoid inappropriate behaviour (swearing) when a younger person is within hearing range. You can work out these scenarios together, or you might have to dictate those boundaries for your child.

If you hear your child use foul or inappropriate language, don't immediately overreact with shock, jump to conclusions, yell and/or lose control. Clarify with your child their reasons for using those words. He/she might be experimenting with a recently heard new word or phrase and not understand the impact (until they see your reaction). Once they realize they have discovered a new control "button" they just might enjoy using foul words on purpose, to irritate you or make you angry, just because they can!

Try asking your child to explain to you the meaning of those words. They may have totally different understandings or interpretations of those words or phrases than the meanings you're used to attaching to them! Together, you can come up with some substitute words to replace the offending one(s).

This is a great time to discuss the issues of responsibility, accountability, and consequences. I heard of a woman who suggested that her son substitute the words "sanctimonious poo" for a phrase she disliked. It turned out to be a great idea. It was fun and silly, and he enjoyed saying the new phrase. The family can take substitution a step further by working together to come up with fun, silly phrases to express emotions and replace swear words. It might become such a fun exercise that your child might take it to his/her peers, to develop their own secret, substitute "code words" that won't offend others.

Remember that the parents' role is to teach and model good behaviour for their children. Listen to yourselves, and ensure that you are not the ones teaching your child(ren) those very words you do not want to hear spilling from their sweet, young, impressionable mouths.

Make sure the consequences of non-compliance (the rules either mutually worked out or autonomously dictated by you), are clearly defined and understood. If your child continues to defy the rules, check in with his/her understanding


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