by Octavia Holland

Created on: February 27, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Not one day goes by that I don't think about this very topic. Especially that I am in my mid-thirties with no kids and have a married sister. What have I done wrong? Or, should I believe that I could have done things better.

I am a college graduate and working on my second master's degree. I say this because I only went back to school merely because there wasn't anything else to do. No one could have told me ten years ago that I would still be single. On one hand, it's great in that I can come and go as I please without informing someone of my whereabouts. I can decorate my home any way that I feel without having to take someone else's taste into consideration. The best part is that if I just don't feel like doing something I just don't do it.

My mom always tells me to relish the fact that I'm single. Maybe she thinks that I'll jump on a jetliner and whisk away into the Far East. Maybe I'll hop to every opera house there and sing a note or two. That sounds so exciting but the truth is it sounds better on someone else. I love to look at Sex and the City and pretend that I'm Miranda but inside I know that I'm not that fabulous. Not to mention even SHE settled down

As an African-American female who is the product of parents from the civil rights era, I was taught to do everything in "order". That is, go to school, get your degree, get married and start your family. Well I have done the first two things a few times over because I am stuck on the last two. Funny huh? It's true. I have heard that I am intimidating because of my looks, smarts etc. Isn't that a cop out? I mean who wouldn't want a woman who is independent, with no baggage to carry into the relationship? It's apparent that a lot of them don't. Maybe to them it sounds good but the reality of having that scares them off. I actually had someone tell me that I was too independent. I couldn't believe my ears. Am I supposed to take things down a notch to get a man? I think not.

The point is, I don't know why I am still single. I have done quite a bit of soul searching and I figure out that when the "right" one comes along at least I'll be ready. Or, hope to be.

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