To win political debates you must follow the rules. Well, actually there is only one rule. Don't debate, obfuscate. Modern political debates are merely canned sound-bite responses which seldom address the specifics of the question asked. Each candidate's presentation amounts to little more than the repetition of "my impossible dream must be better than your impossible dream because I can get more people to believe in it."

In light of the important position entertainment holds in our culture, perhaps we should explore an entirely new concept in political debates. How about "Presidential Debates, the Musical?"

In this brave new venture, candidates would express their political stance by lip-syncing a selection songs; songs selected to demonstrate their particular world view and the solutions to all the problems that face us as a nation and as a world power.

In the spirit of helpfulness and with a desire to be more involved with the political process, I'd like to offer the following as possible starting points for the current crop of candidates:

Barack Obama could borrow, from Walt Disney's Pinocchio, a song performed by Jiminy Cricket:
"When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you.

If your heart is in your dreams
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do."

Hillary Clinton's opening number would come from a Merle Haggard tune:
"There's a big brown cloud in the city,
And the countryside's a sin,
And the price of life is too high to give up,
Gotta come down again.

When the worldwide war is over and done,
And the dream of peace comes true,
We'll all be drinking that free Bubble-Up,
And eating that Rainbow Stew."

John McCain, not to be outdone, counters with another Merle Haggard favorite:
"I hear people talking bad
About the way we have to live here in this country
Harping on the wars we fight,
And gripping about the way things ought to be.

And I don't mind them switching sides and
Standing up for things they believe in but
When they're running down my country, hoss,
They're walking on the fighting side of me."

Mike Huckabee takes the mike and re-visits Pinocchio:
"I've got no strings to hold me down,
To make me fret, or make me frown.
I had strings but now I'm free,
There are no strings on me.

I've got no strings so I have fun,
I'm not tied to anyone.
They've got strings but you can see,
There are no strings on me."

As the music fades, the entire cast of the both the Senate and the House of Representatives, resplendent in pink tu-tus, enters from stage right while, from entering stage left we see the entire coterie of Washington lobbyists, each dressed as Daddy Warbucks. The band strikes up the theme from "The Sugar Plum Fairy" as the lobbyists empty satchel upon satchel of cash onto the stage and the politicians dance about while scooping up the greenbacks.

As the curtain drops, our four presidential candidates lock arms and high kick their way off stage while the music swells and a voice over belts out a bluesy rendition of that once and future depression era hit, "Brother can you spare a dime?"

Learn more about this author, Rick Fontes.
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