by Julie Magras

Created on: November 12, 2006   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

Your Cheating Spouse Love Em or Leave Em?

What is an affair? By definition, it is a romantic and sexual relationship, sometimes one of brief duration, between two people who are not married to each other. In the eyes of some, it is romance and intrigue. To others, it represents a broken marriage, and unhappy memories. Affairs are now commonplace and no longer unusual occurrences. Most of us know someone who has had an affair whether it be a neighbor, co-worker, friend, and, in many instances, even closer to home, our spouse.

There is no particular point in a marriage where the affair happens. They can occur at anytime, anywhere and with just about anyone. Neither age nor gender is a distinction or determining factor. Both men and women admit to being unfaithful in current or past relationships. Some believe that the instigator or initiator of the affair is not to blame. It is the person who gives in that makes the decision to have an affair. It is he or she who is primarily responsible.

Who are the parties to the affair? The "cheater", "deceiver" or "betrayer" is defined as the person who is married and having the affair. However, whether they are a willing participant or not, everyone affected by the affair is involved in "having the affair". These include the other man/woman, the spouse who is the person married to the cheater, and finally, the children, family, and friends.

Why do affairs happen? Cheating spouses provide various reasons, or excuses, for why they began their relationship. Not surprisingly, the most common was "I didn't mean for it to happen" or "It just happened". They rarely admit that they were out searching for someone or something, to fill an emotional void.

Do these sound familiar?

"I was looking for fun and attention to escape the boredom at home and being bogged down with responsibilities."
"I still love my spouse but we've grown apart and no longer have anything in common and remain together only because of the children."
"My marriage has become a mechanical way of life and I need some excitement"
"My sex life is practically non-existent and I felt trapped in my marriage."
"I'm not getting any attention in my marriage and the attention from my lover is just what I needed to boost my ego."

What is gained when two people enter into a secret liaison? Initially, it's new, thrilling and exciting. The mere fact that it is secret seems to add a note of exhilaration to the encounter for some men and women. Factor in mutual sexual attraction and

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