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Mrs. Hoover's beady black eyes stared at me through the screen door. She had already threatened me about riding my Daisy Duke Big Wheel on her grass. I honestly tried not to do it. Granny had told me not to ride on her grass. I really tried to be careful, but no matter how hard I tried, it seemed that even if the fat rear tires seemed to steer next to her grass, she was there. Standing in her door, the ancient old crone loomed in the darkness, waiting to strike.

Mrs. Hoover lived right next door to my granny, who babysat me while mom worked. I was two and a half years old, but I will never forget the day that Old Mrs. Hoover got what was coming to her. Granny and the old hag would sit in the living room frequently and talk about other people. I was always shooed out of the room, told that adult conversations were not for children. I didn't really care or even understand what they were talking about anyway. All I knew was that Mrs. Hoover scared the life out of me. To be quite truthful, I think she liked it.

There was one particular hot summer day that granny and the witch were sitting in the living room when I had a burst of sheer genius. I knew that this was the day. I went to the bathroom and closed the door. I could hear their muffled voices and knew they had no idea what I was planning. I looked up at the shower curtain and saw granny's brown pantyhose hanging over the shower rod to dry.

I carefully and quietly slipped out of my clothes. With only my Wonder Woman Underroos on, I climbed up the toilet and stood on the furry seat cover. My tiny hand grasped and pulled on the brown leg of one of the pantyhose and it fell to the floor. I had watched granny put on her pantyhose a number of times and I picked them up by the white control top like she had always done. I slid my feet into each dark leg and pulled up the white control top.

Quietly, I opened the bathroom door, and tiptoed into the hallway. They were still talking. I stood behind the wall that separated the living room from the hall. I pulled the control top up higher and over my head and held it up with my arms. I backed up a few feet. Then I ran.

I ran into the living room with all my might, screaming like a wild banshee set free in the wilderness. I ran wild in circles yelling to the top of my lungs. The look on that old woman's face was priceless.

She clutched her chest and those dark squinty eyes got so huge I could see the whites of them. She said something like, "Hooo!"

Granny exasperatedly said something like "WENDY!" as she got out of her chair and grabbed hold of me. "Get in there and get my pantyhose off."

I looked up at her. She was trying not to laugh. She walked me back to the bathroom and told me to put my clothes back on. Mrs. Hoover went back home and it was a while before she came back over. I continued to ride my Big Wheel down the sidewalk, but after the pantyhose incident, I was much more confident. I would power slide in front of her house and ride that Big Wheel wide open through the neighborhood. Mrs. Hoover still came to her screen door, but I resisted her evil glare. She knew then that she had no power over me any longer.

Learn more about this author, Wendy Brock.
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