The languages of the human family are rich and bursting with words that inspire and thrill us, bring delight, and motivate us to action. As in any aspect of life, there is a dark side to language. Words that bring depression and darkness to our souls; words that belittle us, demean us, and if left unchecked can potentially destroy us.

Sometimes we hear these words from other people. Sometimes their intent is purely innocent, but still harmful. A mother introduces her child to another adult and the child hides her face and will not talk. "Don't mind her, she's just shy," the mother says. Hearing this often enough, the child will learn to be shy.

It's not because the mother said it, however. It's not the words we hear from others, not the labels they try to place upon us, that devastate us. It's the labels we place upon ourselves, and internalize. The list of words to avoid to stay positive is as long as the list of words that are good and uplifting. Words like stupid, clumsy, ignorant. Phrases of words like "you're a nothing," "nobody could love you," "you're ugly."

The problem is in a world populated by more than one human being, it's impossible not to run into negative words and phrases. Even those unsaid by others that are suggested to us by modern media can be detrimental to our mental health. We learn in our society, a certain face, body structure, hair color, is beautiful and desirable. If we don't have it, we are made to feel like rejects. We use words within our own thoughts to confirm that. "I'm ugly; my hair is the wrong shade. It's too curly. It's too straight. My eyes are too wide, my nose is too long. I'm too short. I'm too heavy." On and on it goes. We are barraged daily with these negativities. If our job performance isn't quite as good as the office's "number one," we berate ourselves inwardly, and stress about how we can possibly be better.

The solution is to stop comparing ourselves to others. We are, each of us, unique and individual. There is not now, nor ever will be on this planet, any two people exactly alike. The words to avoid, especially in our self-talk, are any that compare or attempt to make comparisons, between us and any other person.

This takes conscious effort. It takes paying attention to what's going on inside our heads; listening to our thoughts. The results are worth the effort. "Do not try to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly." In doing so, a person will find their life enriched, will be happier, and will learn not to be judgmental of others, leading to a more positive and enriching life for everyone.

Learn more about this author, Pamela Ashton.
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