by Melissa D. Ing

Created on: February 26, 2008

We have all been betrayed or stabbed in the back by a friend, co-worker, romantic partner or family member, at some point in our lives. Handling backstabbers after the pain has been inflicted can be difficult and takes time and energy. Releasing yourself from the situation is the most positive thing you can do, along with placing safe guards so you never feel this way again!

Why backstabbers stab!

When someone hurts you by their words or deeds, it is rarely about you. Backstabbers are insecure, confused weak people and only truly feel validated when they gain control over someone else, even momentarily. Backstabbers love to feel important while coming across as caring, friendly, open and easy to make friends with, except they are only seeking to hurt.

We've all had one; the friend we have confided information to about a particular situation in our lives. They in turn have been sympathetic, offered advice, been there for us during our plight, making us feel cared for. Then ping! Somehow you begin to sense something is off', other friends begin asking you guarded questions, little snippets and comments are dropped over time, your information is out there. You have been backstabbed!

Confronting the backstabber takes diligence. Having been through exactly this scenario, I can tell you that confronting them while you are still shocked, angry and reeling rarely works. Handling a backstabber is like handling a tarantula, very carefully!

Dealing with a backstabber!

When the shock has subsided, you must take action. The first rule is never to seek revenge, no matter how much you would like to. Running to everyone you know and telling them you have been hurt doesn't work either. While you may indeed gain some sympathy, it will make you look weak. Instead confide in one or two close friends, your others will figure it out on their own!

Backstabbers love attention, so give them the minimum of yours. Instead of making endless telephone calls and demanding an explanation, (trust me you won't get a reasonable one, if they answer the phone at all!) sending endless emails saying, I thought we were friends how you could do this to me I don't know' writing letters, all of these things simply don't work. What does work is this; one short email, or one short telephone call.

Give your last communication with a backstabber little thought, which is exactly what they have given you. I have found that this standard short email (works equally well as a voice mail!) is this; It has come to my attention that you have shared personal information about me with other people. It doesn't matter why you did it, simply know it is unacceptable. While I have enjoyed your company up to this point, this friendship/partnership is over.'

Trust me, this works! I had to use it this past summer and the result was astounding. The woman in question sent me several emails, which from the title, looked like they were intended to blast' me. I didn't read them. When she failed to get my attention, instead of apologizing, she emailed several of my friends trying to justify herself; they ignored her too! She ended up very much alone, paranoid that everyone was now talking about her (we weren't!) and rarely visits an Internet site we all use to hang out on.

Recovering from a backstabber

It's never easy, but recovering from a backstabber can be done. If they should ever come back and truly apologize and show remorse, you can certainly consider letting them back into your life, slowly! Other than that, decide to be a little more careful with whom and when you share information, take time to get to know people and remember, there truly are good people out there if only we take the time to look!

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