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There was a secondary achievement that occurred it de-powered the ex-from-heck because he no longer could use my best friend as his Trump card. And all I had to do was nothing, other than to show no emotion. If I walked into a room and they were there I would say "hey Gord" and then go and hang with my friends. Within 45 minutes of me ignoring them one would leave and the other one would be sitting there all alone. And I was stable in my friendship circle across the room. And I still did nothing.

That gave the ex-from-heck a sense of power and control. He felt as if he was winning the war through stealing my best friend. It didn't work. Let's say I took a strategic time out, and that is exactly what it was. To see the disappointment and sadness when he (the-ex-from-heck) walked into the bar and Gord and I were giggling in the corner, after seven weeks of separation, made me realize that I had just won a small step in the war, by simply relinquishing control. Not only is Gord respecting me and we are having fun again, but also my ex-from-heck was absolutely dumbfounded and caught by surprise when I decided to reenter the situation. In fact the ex-from-heck was so stunned that when Gord and I left prematurely to go and meet a friend that the ex-from-heck followed us into little caf shortly afterwards. And walked up to the table declaring "Gord can you swing by my place on the way home". This seem may appear small, but it huge. He followed us, and he had the balls to walk up to our intimate table in the quiet corner of the caf. He interrupted our (my) space, in an attempt to regain power and control. But I will not give it up. I didn't even recognize or speak about anything in regards to this situation with Gord. I treated it as if it never ever, even happened.

I am now in complete control. I am absolutely independent and strong; there are no Trump cards. The ex is now chasing me. And I am going to treat all of it like it never happens and like I don't even care. I am going to treat these meaningless acts just as they are meaningless. They are not worth my time, my breath, my care or my concern. I have done the same thing to two other people in the last two weeks and each and every time it works. When I used to freak out, I now say nothing; maybe even laugh and I walk away. Imagine treating the situation like this. You can come to me and do the entire problem solving for once, I tried to do all the work and all the problem solving and all you did was treat me like shit. Honestly how weird is that? You would like to think that the people you treat like gold treat you like gold back. But those people will never learn to treat you like gold if they don't have to do anything and you give everything. They don't have to work for anything at all. Sometimes it may take weeks for things to change; sometimes it may take months. But in the end if you walk away instead of trying to push the situation, you come out as the stronger person, and often the person to whom you've walked away from will realize with much pain and regret, how much they miss your energy. But while you are they're attempting or trying to share space with them, the situation perpetuates. If you walk away and take a strategic time out, you are breaking the pattern and the cycle and demanding a higher level of respect for your self. You cannot lower your standard, moral and values to the levels of others. When you need to change any of these key elements the relationship is doomed for failure. And as soon as you stop explaining, arguing and trying to hash it out you will become more confident in your decision-making and who you are as a whole.

Learn more about this author, Kelly George.
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