Death of Loved Ones

The death of a loved one leaves you with a profound feeling of emptiness. It is an empty place in your heart that you think will never be filled. Eventually, though, your heart is healed, and the sadness and mourning are replaced with acceptance and even the ability to smile and laugh about memories when you think of them. It is such a cliche when people say, "It gets better with time." I hated it when people told me that after the deaths of my mom and dad, but it's true. You never become completely accustomed to being without your loved one, but it does get better, more bearable.

I have heard people speculate over which is more difficult, losing someone who has been ill for a while, or losing someone suddenly, with no warning. My only experience has been with losing people after long illnesses, so I can't really give an opinion. But I think that it is probably just as difficult either way. The best advice I can give is to stay right with your loved ones all the time. No one knows when their time will be, and it's always best to be ready. Do this by telling them that you love them often. Spend as much time with all your loved ones as possible. Don't let relationships fall by the wayside. In short, leave no room for regret.

I was at the bedsides of both my mom and dad when they passed, and I often wondered why it had been my fate to be there when the time came. To be honest, I felt that it was my misfortune in life to have witnessed their deaths, and I always saw it in a negative light. I kept wondering, "Why me?" I know that this sounds terribly selfish, but the deaths of my parents were extremely difficult to witness, and I could not help feeling this way.

In an effort gain some clarity and understanding, I discussed my feelings with both a friend whose spiritual life I admire and a grief counselor. I do not believe that it was a coincidence that each of them gave me the same answer. I did like the way that my spiritual friend described it best though. He told me that one of my spiritual gifts is that I am able to provide needed peace and comfort, that I have a sense of calmness about me. In addition, he told me that I should be grateful for my presence during my their passing because I saw for myself that it was completely peaceful.

I view it from a different perspective now. I am grateful that I got to be with my mom and dad when God came to take them to Heaven. I also take great comfort in this: even though it is true that when my loved ones pass away, a small part of me goes with them, I know that a bigger part of them stays with me. They live on in the things that they said, did, thought, and shared. Their legacy will live on through all those who loved them.

One last thought on the sadness and longing to talk to them: When I am missing my parents so much that I think I can't stand it another minute, I ask God to give them a hug and tell them I love them. It always makes me feel better.

Learn more about this author, Kim Everett.
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