by Dolores Moore

Created on: February 25, 2008

From a very early age, I can remember how telling the truth was an important value in my family. I learned that I was more likely to get into trouble for wrong-doing if I lied about it. The punitive measures were always longer or harder; bed early, no chocolate, no playing after school, and so forth. When I went to convent school at the age of 11, the same value applied - the school motto was 'Veritas', 'Truth'. You can be sure the message sunk in, and from then on, I have tried never to lie and have always withdrawn from friends or acquaintances who ever lied to me or were dishonest with others. This is not to say I do not understand and even sympathize with people who do lie.

In my opinion, there are many reasons why people lie, and these cannot be easily pinned down or applied across the board to every individual. We have all heard the term, "He/she's a compulsive liar", applied to the person who exaggerates or twists the truth for effect. He or she will lie about their income or wealth, maybe following this through by getting into debt to appear to have more than others. There are those who pretend to know more about a lot of things, claiming superior knowledge, or even qualifications. Or the girl who tells everyone she has several boyfriends, when in fact, she has none, like the boys who claim to have had sex with many partners, but have little or no sexual experience. The problem is, that in all cases, one lie leads to another, more people are drawn into the deceptions. Eventually, of course, the liar loses track of what they said, or shows ignorance, or is called on for proof, and so gets found out. Hence the label that signals the mistrust of others - "He/she's a compulsive liar", a very sad outcome. My mother always said "A liar needs a good memory" and we can see why.

My belief is that such individuals lie through feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. They feel they must appear to have more, know more, be more popular, just to support a fragile ego, to create a facade they hope will help them to be accepted. This is so sad, because it boils down to fear, and often results in that very thing they feared, NOT gaining acceptance, friends, and ending up lonely. So they move on, finding another circle of 'friends' and the cycle starts all over again. It is only by looking at the motives and needs, increasing self-esteem and valuing themselves and others, that a person can understand what is happening and try to stop it, hopefully by not lying and thus

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