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I am a husband who has been on both sides of the "cheating on you" question. I have cheated on a past wife and I have been cheated on by a different wife. I didn't like either role but they both taught me a lot.

Besides the actual physical actions a cheating partner may go through, there are at least a dozen phrases he will use against you, his unsuspecting partner. The first phrase used on me, and the one that should have opened my eyes right away, was "The Unity Candle doesn't mean that, does it?"

This phrase is said back to you generally during a slight argument about you wanting to spend time with him rather than him spend all his time with his buddies. He has probably been out fishing every day, instead of taking care of the baby while you work, so you still have to pay day-care. Or he has his buddies over for a beer and pizza bash in the garage, while you sit inside with the kids. Or maybe he even makes you humble yourself by having you ask your already overworked sister, who has three kids of her own, to watch the baby while you work so he can putz around the yard and garage.

You probably said something like "We are supposed to be one together! You are not supposed to be so worried about your own needs but about our needs as a couple! That's what we meant when we did the Unity Candle."

Your explanation of the Unity Candle brings reality crashing down on him. He stops, goes through an Awakening and stutters "The Unity Candle doesn't mean that, does it?"

The first incentive for cheating is a trapped feeling. If your partner feels they have done something they cannot reverse they will feel trapped. They will feel as though they have nowhere to turn. They will begin trying to think of ways out of the trap. By using the Unity Candle phrase your partner is questioning the validity of the vows you shared, the ceremonies you went through and the very celebration of the wedding itself.

This is your earliest sign you need to pay attention. Your partner, male or female, had as much fun at your wedding as you did. Being the center of attention was a real ego booster. He or she may have gotten every bit as emotional as you. There were tears, trembling, emotional eyes and truly heartfelt words and actions. But it was more for show and glamor, for the potentially cheating partner, than it was for sincerity and self-exposure.

You both went through the Unity Candle celebration by taking lit candles, one each, and lighting the one bigger candle in the middle. This was

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