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we were sexually abused, many of us are very confused about love and sex, and so we try to meet our emotional needs through sex, but always with a level of self-disgust in the background. Again, this leaves us vulnerable to further abuse. Others just can't handle sex at all.

Another very common effect of childhood abuse in any form is the closing off of parts of ourselves to protect them. We are emotionally detached, we can't feel anything. We laugh when we should be crying. On the other hand, seemingly innocuous events can trigger old emotions, buried deep, so that we over react. We may be overwhelmed with inappropriate anger or fear.

If the abuse was physical, the effects may be so severe that we can't feel parts of our bodies. If it was sexual, we may split off completely during sex, even with a loving partner. Many survivor's describe out of body experiences, or becoming fascinated with the light fittings.

Most survivor's have problems with memories, chunks of our lives seem to be missing. The sad part is that we block out the good along with the bad. Many of us have nightmares which we can't explain.

All of these effects can give us, and those around us, the impression that we are 'mad'. Diagnoses of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), bi-polar disorder, depression, affective disorders, eating disorders, etc etc, reinforce this impression. In reality, these problems do not constitute being insane. Just the opposite in fact. They are survival mechanisms. They were good strong choices when we were children in abusive situations. They are problematic now because we have outgrown them. We need to learn to let go of them, to trust our adult selves to keep us safe.

It is very, very daunting to begin to address these issues, but they can be addressed. It is a long hard struggle with lots of back-sliding but when survivors persevere they eventually come to understand what has been hidden from them all their lives:

Each child, each person, is beautiful and special and deserves to be loved and to have a happy life. Just look at children around you and you will see this. No child, or adult for that matter, deserves to be abused. You did nothing wrong, you did your best to survive and you DID survive. It is the abusers who did wrong and must be blamed. It may not feel like it when you begin but a better life is achievable. You can feel loved. You can be happy.

Learn more about this author, Briar Shaw.
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