I joined Helium in May of 2007. Since then I've found that rating articles can be a painful and aggravating experience. At times I think that Helium writers are trying to annoy me, since so many of them are using the same, obnoxious writing methods. I have a hard time believing that writers want to lose my vote on Helium. However, if that is your goal, here's what you need to do.

Use Lots of Tildes

I have never seen such a creative use of punctuation anywhere except on Helium. Here's an example.

~~ My Life Story ~~

Tildes, unfortunately, are a Helium favorite. And everybody uses them differently. There is absolutely no standard of tildes on Helium except that tildes must be used frequently and in random and unexpected places. Sometimes they're used to begin bulleted lists. Sometimes they're ensconced within points in a sentence. Sometimes they're tucked between paragraphs. But they're always there. Get it straight, folks. Tildes are not cute. I hate them. Use them, and I will down-rate you.

Use Numbered and Bulleted Lists

Everybody on Helium has their own unique, creative way of creating numbered and bulleted lists. I've seen it all. The most painful thing of all is that everybody seems to have to add an extraneous character to their adorable little list. No, it isn't enough to just number the stupid list. Oh, we've got to add a dash to it, or perhaps an extra colon or two, or an asterisk, or another freaking tilde, or a parenthesis, or better yet, two parentheses! Yes, we're so creative, and anyway, this is fun! Please, folks. Do us all a favor. Don't use lists in your articles. Subheaders are so much cleaner and prettier. Your rater will love you and thank you for not crossing her eyes by splattering punctuative garbage all across the page. After all, this isn't text art. Clean up your articles, and your writing stars will proliferate.

Get Really Chatty

"Oh, hi, my name is Lars, and I'm a body builder. I wanted to write this article because it seemed like a really good subject, so here goes..."

Don't do it, Lars! Don't yield to temptation! I know how badly you want to chat with me, but I promise you, chatting on Helium is the road to hell. After all, how many professional writers introduce themselves at the beginning of an article? Sure, you can talk to the reader. By all means, you may appeal to them on a personal level. Humor, for example, is dependent upon that kind of personal discussion. But

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