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After being married to an abusive and controlling man for twelve years, I finally realized that I had to leave. I tried to protect my two children their whole lives, but knew that I could no longer protect them and stay in the same house as my husband. I left the children home with my husband while I went to meeting for my job. I returned home approximately forty-five munutes later to find both of my children crying. My son told me how frightened he was and that he had even packed a bag to try and get his sister out of the house. She was lying in bed with my husband sobbing uncontrollably. I blamed myself for leaving the children home with my husband (their father). I knew that he was getting increasingly violent towards me and that he frequently yelled at the children. I decided that we had to talk. I arranged for the two of us to sit down and I asked him what happened. I told him that the children were afraid of him. He just looked off into space. He would not look me in the eyes and did not respond. I gave him an ultimatum - he had five days to find counseling services (I was willing to attend as well) or I was going to leave. He took no action to find counseling.

I called our local Domestic Abuse Center and they sent someone to my town and they met with me. They encouraged me to call DHS and file a report since I didn't know what happened to my daughter. DHS decided not to accept the case. Then the advocate from the Domestic Abuse Center went with me to file a Protective Order at the court house. I was so afraid. I wrote everything that she told me I should include in the report. Details of the last times he assaulted me. I wrote, but everything was hazy. I have always prided myself on my ability to write clearly, but as I have reread the report I filed, I have found how poorly written it is and how it sounds nothing like me. A judge signed the order and my children and I left town for the weekend.

My husband was served with the Protective Order the next day. He had thirty minutes to get stuff together and then he had to vacate the premises. He took only a few things and was gone when I returned to town. What has followed has been four months of moving to an apartment, court hearings, lawyer visits, cleaning, filing, therapy, medical visits, and numerous appointments for psychological evaluations. It has been a very difficult time of transition for my children and myself. My husband filed for divorce in December and is requesting full custody of my children even though he only has supervised visits at the moment.

What I have learned from my journey so far is that by finally opening up and talking about the abuse, I have gained intimate friendships that I had never experienced before. I have not been hit, kicked, yelled at, or assaulted in any way in five months (although stalking occurs frequently). Life is improving. I don't have to be afraid if I leave the cabinet doors open. I don't have to be afraid to walk up stairs because he is no longer there to push me. I don't have to worry about waking up in the night to find him on top of me. I can check the mail. I have access to bills and a checking account. My pay is my own and I don't have to depend on him to give me money. My home is now a place where the only screaming and yelling come from tantrums of children (not adults) or from playing. Home is a happy place where my children and I feel safe thanks to a protective order that has given me custody and with a supplemental order only supervised visits with an abusive husband for my children.

Learn more about this author, Celesta Flanigan.
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