by ordinarywonderdotnet

Created on: February 23, 2008   Last Updated: July 12, 2008

Finding Harmony Between the Internal and External world...

In order to explain why I write, I think it's vital to share a glimpse of my thought process.

I've always indulged in a rich inner life. I suppose it's arguable that the combination of an overactive imagination, and a contemplative attitude mark me as 'naturally inclined' to indulge in it. In a rational sense, most living creatures perform the task that they are adapted to do, so it would seem only natural that I would spend more time in head than engaged with the real world.

Obviously, I'm not completely disassociated from reality, but there have been moments in my life that I'm afraid I will be lost in my internal world. The gravity that pulls me down into the landscape of my thoughts and fantasies is overwhelming. I literally can spend hours at a time navigating the terrain.

What frightens me, is that if I could exist in a pure state of thought, that's all I've ever really yearned for. I take pleasure in the stimulus the physical world has to offer, but there is no outer pursuit that could override the desire I have for internal pursuits.

It is as if the only reasons I bother to participate in the external world are due to the necessity to fulfill my biological needs and to find new empirical evidence to mull over. Maybe that's just the human condition in a nut shell. It's possible that-whether or not we are aware of it-all external pursuits really boil down to those two motivations.

Although, it seems that the majority of people I've met set a goal for a practical reason, and the psychological satisfaction is an added bonus to the reward of fulfilling the goal. In my case, the psychological satisfaction is the only goal. From a philosophical perspective, this may not be a crippling disadvantage, but from a practical standpoint it is an obvious handicap.

To illustrate my point, let's go back to grade school. The guidance counselor asks you, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" which sadly-more often than not-translates as, 'What do you want to do to make money when you grow up?'

Well, I never had an answer to the question. Had I answered with my true desire, "To sit around for as many hours as possible, think about stuff, and day dream until I die," I have an inclination to believe the typical adult would have assumed I was destine to be a bum.

The hard reality I have learned in life is that no matter what the quality of your inner life, you are still perceived as a failure unless you have something

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