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I've never had a best friend before or at least I didn't realize I did. Sometimes you don't know what you have until you no longer have it. I knew I had a good and wonderful husband but I'm not sure that I thought of him as a best friend. Now I know, he definitely was.

He filled my life, he filled my heart, he filled everything I needed. His presence was often taken for granted because he was just always here when he wasn't working. All the times I sat across the table from him or slept next to him in the bed or watched as he drove in after work or worked with him out in the yard - it was just what I thought of as normal and everyday. I never ever thought of it any other way. It's too late now to take his face in my hands and kiss him for no reason or tell him he means the world to me. It's too late now to hold him close and tell him how much he fills my heart with joy and how much I adore him. And it's not like I never did any of those things because I did. I just wish now that I had done it even more.

Never take a moment for granted. Never miss an opportunity to do what, in your heart, you know you should. Never put off saying the things you want to say. Always live and love to the fullest. Always hold them close.

I miss my best friend more than words can say and I hope one day the aching in my heart will lessen. But just for now I need to shed my tears and feel the pain of my loss because it's the only way I know to feel him close to me.

If only there was some way to take away this pain.
If only there was some way to have you back again...
If only I could understand why you had to go.
If only, just if only, I could only know...

It's only been a few short weeks since you went away
But it seems like an eternity since that awful day.
I'm trying, oh, so very hard, to live without you, dear
But so far it isn't working, I keep wishing you were here.

I'm stuck and don't know where to go, the tears I shed each day -
I don't know how to stop them or make them go away.
I try to think of other things but my thoughts return to you,
I just cannot bring myself to do what I should do.

And that's to open up my heart and let God's mercy in
To heal this hurting deep inside, a new life to begin...
One without you here with me to share the joys we shared,
One without your smiling face that told me that you cared.

One without your hand in mine as I looked into your eyes,
One without your special touch which now I realize
Was all that I had needed for all the many years
We spent together, you and I, through the laughter and the tears.

If only I could now go on with your memory in my heart,
If only I could just go on even though we're now apart.
The road ahead seems so very long without you by my side
My darling, please forgive me, for my tears I cannot hide.

If you could just walk with me and help me along the way,
Let me feel your presence and tell me it's okay.
Let me know you're always here to help me as I mend,
Let me hear the whisper of all your love you send.

You see, Sweetheart, I do believe that even though you're gone
The love we shared through all the years can and will go on.
And so it is with me, my love, my heart belongs to you
Take it and hold it and always know my love for you is true!

Learn more about this author, Judi B.
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