by John Devera

Created on: February 23, 2008

I have the utmost respect for Chuck Norris. His skill as a martial artist is undeniably real. And he's even a likable person and a decent actor. For all these reasons, I think Chuck Norris is an American icon and valuable treasure. I resent all the Chuck Norris jokes, but I admire the man for taking it all in stride and even laughing along (have you seen that commercial where he beats up on the two utubers?). But in a fight between the real Chuck Norris and the fictional Jack Bauer, Jack would win.

1) Jack is amoral and vicious; Chuck fights fair and has mercy. Jack will do what it takes to win, no matter who gets hurt and who has to pay the consequences. That's who he is. Think about it. How many people has he had to sacrifice for the greater good? If Jack Bauer felt he had to "take out" Chuck Norris to protect the United States, he would do it in whatever way possible, and he would do it without blinking an eye. Jack Bauer doesn't believe in fair fights. If your enemy has a knife, shoot him. If your enemy has an assault rifle, bring in a flamethrower. If your enemy comes in a tank, then take him out with a tactical nuke.

On the other hand, Chuck is always about teaching a lesson. He'll beat you senseless and then help you start up a soup kitchen. He wants to defeat you, and he will do everything in his power, except cheat. You see, Chuck Norris is a better man than Jack Bauer. He's merciful, not ruthless. He's a compassionate conservative. He's a nice Christian man. Jack's a bastard.

2) Chuck Norris has lightning kicks and powerful punches; Jack will shoot you, torture you, then shoot you again. No martial artist, even the great Bruce Lee can stand up against a ruthless assassin, and Jack Bauer qualifies. Jack can use a sniper rifle. Jack can garrote you in your sleep. Jack can poison your Tang. Now if Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer were locked in a room in their underwear with the desire to knock each other senseless, Jack Bauer would have to kiss his pretty kiester goodbye. But that's not the topic, is it? We're not talking about a cage fight, or UFC.

3) Chuck Norris is real; Jack Bauer is fictional. Chuck Norris will always be a real man. He will age (very slowly), his skills will diminish (someday), and he is even vulnerable to illness (I wouldn't want to see the flu bug that could take on Chuck Norris). But Jack Bauer is fictional. That means, if he's running away, an unlocked door will always be available for him to slip through at the last moment. The good

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