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Idi Amin Dada of Uganda went to England one day. When he arrived, the Queen of England held a big banquet for him. After he ate many English goodies, he turned to the Queen.
"Your Majesty," he said. "When you come to Africa, I will retaliate."

After the meal, Idi Amin asked to go the restrooms. He was taken to a bathroom with mirrors on all walls.

"How come they have so many people who look like me?" he asked his perplexed body guard before hurrying into the toilet. A few minutes later, he emerged from the bathroom. His bodyguard noticed that the President's mouth was wet.

"Nelson,did you know that these English people have these small wells in these little rooms with nice water?" Amin asked. Nelson's eyes almost popped out.

On the way back to Uganda, an Englishman sat next to his excellency. Just after they took off from Heathrow airport,the Englishman noticed a louse making its way from his Excellency's head down his neck. The Englishman jumped up and removed the little creature from the President's neck, and put it in his palm and showed it to the President. Amin was infuriated.
"You White people," he said. " You came to Africa and stole our forefather's cattle,our grain, our women and our land. Now you want to steal even my louse? Put it back,please! Now!"

As soon as the plane landed at Entebbe Airport, the President was taken to a graduation ceremony.One of the Deans of Makerere University was talking about a newly created Department of Distance Education as the Presidential entourage took seats.
"This country does not need anyone to study distances. We can travel without knowing how many kilometers we have traveled. That Department is completely unnecessary, and must be closed right away. We cannot waste money on something like that," the President said.

One day, Amin noticed that one of his body guards had a pair of binoculars, and was curious about the gadget. The body guard showed him how to use it. They were on the fourth floor of a building, and as soon as the president was shown how to use the gadget, he saw one of his girlfriends standing in the lobby downstairs on the first floor. He grabbed the binoculars and put them on.

"Hey, Grace, come over here in the forth floor. we are here!" he whispered while looking at the lady through the binoculars. That evening Grace was fired for ignoring the President.

The Chief executive of one of the big companies in Kampala received a telephone call from the president one day. "I have an 18 year old niece who can work for you as a secretary," the President said. The man agreed to interview the girl.

"If you received a call on the first floor, and the caller wants to speak to me, and I am in the conference room in the sixth floor, what would you do?"

"Sir, what I would do is this: I would say "wait for me". Then, I will put the telephone on the table , go out of the room, take the steps and come to the sixth Floor and call you to come and talk to the caller.That is what I would do." The chief executive started rubbing his chin, wondering how he was going to deliver the news to Idi Amin.

Learn more about this author, Thokozile Gurganious.
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