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GOOD ISN'T NECESSARILY "GOOD"

What? You think it's easy being good all the time? Heck no! See? Right there is an example! I can't even let go with a good swear now and then. And believe you me, there are times I'd like to! Like? No, times I'd LOVE to! Like when I have to spend "quality time" with those little people with the irritating voices. They do get on one's nerves constantly yammering away and singing those silly songs in their squeaky little irritating voices. And all that candy? It just isn't good for you. I always say no thanks but they insist upon giving me those huge lollipops. They have to know that I don't eat them! I'd never be able to fit into the clothes that I am expected to wear!

Those clothes are another issue. It's always white, white, white! Lace and ruffles and poofy sleeves! I mean, really, no one looks good in that style. What I'd give to wear a slinky little black number in public just once! Wouldn't that shut those little people up?

Shoes, too. "She" gets to wear those beautiful red shoes - all sparkly and shiny with heels. But not me! No sirree. Plain white pumps. Silver on special occasions. They make me sick, to be honest. I want a pair of 3 inch spikes with golden tips from Frederick's of Hollywood.

Parties? Oh, sure, I get invited to a lot of them. They always expect me to show up with sugar cookies or angel food cake. And always home made. No store bought allowed from me. And I have to sit and drink that nauseating punch while everyone else can kick back! After all, I am always the designated driver!

And I have to attend every single community meeting, every wedding, every play, every single function held while no one expects "Her" to show up unless it's to cast a spell or cause some sort of commotion. "She" doesn't have to sit through hours of boring speeches or listen to little cherubs singing sweet little songs! Weddings? I'm the only one, other than the bride, of course, who gets to wear white. It's getting so that I actually look forward to a good funeral! Now how sick is that? At least I can to put black on, even though it is a simple dress or a suit. But I always wear a hat with a veil so no one knows that I am not crying under it.

And what is with all this yellow brick stuff? Everyone knows bricks are not yellow! Red, yes. Or brown, if you want. Rust colored, maybe. But NOT YELLOW! I wish they would follow that road somewhere far, far away instead of just singing about it! All the time. Day in, day out.

One day I swear I'm going to snap! The pressure has been building up for a long, long time. That wand of mine will be shooting sparks at some of the characters around here, let me tell you.

In the meantime I'm going to pull my shades down tight, put on the stereo real loud just in case someone comes knocking. That way I can pretend I don't hear them. I'll have to play Celine Dion or Barry Manilow BUT I will be wearing that slinky black dress and dancing to my personal CD and headset while I listen to some Limp Bizket! Thank God for internet shopping!

Learn more about this author, K Snow.
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