by Moe Zilla

Created on: February 22, 2008   Last Updated: February 23, 2008

"The Villain" is one of the most light-weight movies ever filmed. It's a cartoon come to life, meant to spoof the entire western genre. But if the gags don't make you laugh, there's always the morbid fascination of watching some genuinely talented movie stars struggling with the script!

Ann-Margret plays "Charming Jones," the damsel in distress who's carrying the deed to a silver mine that's owned by her father (played by Strother Martin). The movie follows her attempt to travel across the old west while a hired gunmen, played by Kirk Douglas, tries to stop her. Paul Lynde plays an Indian named "Nervous Elk," and the movie also includes an appearance by Ruth Buzzi (as a less-attractive damsel in distress). Scattered throughout the movie are classic western actors like Jack Elam, Foster Brooks, and even Mel Tellis, who plays a telegraph agent with a stutter. But the strangest casting choice of all is Arnold Schwarzenegger, the future Republican governor of California. Five years before he appeared in "Conan the Barbarian," he starred in this movie as the handsome stranger protecting the endangered damsel. The name of his character? "Handsome Stranger."

How did Kirk Douglas end up in this muddle? Here's an actor who's received three Oscar nominations, but at the age of 63 he's basically playing a human version of Wile E. Coyote. (In one scene, he's actually squished by a giant boulder.) Douglas plays "Cactus Jack," a thieving scoundrel wearing a black hat, riding a black horse, while dressed in black, in a black mustache. Yes, he's the villain. And no, he's not very menacing. Unfortunately, it's hard to pull off live-action versions of cartoon gags, and so sometimes - he's also not very funny.

Hal Needham had just directed "Smokey and the Bandit" and "Hooper" with Burt Reynolds, so directing another comic western probably seemed like a good idea. There's a bouncy country tune throughout the movie, with a honky-tonk piano and a wailing harmonica, as the movie hops from one gag to the next. But there's never any real tension, or even a chemistry between the actors. The movie even seems to have trouble mustering the necessary sense of fun.

The big-name stars in this film suggest that Needham had a good budget. But ultimately the movie just ends up proving that cartoons were never meant to be recreated with real actors. "

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