by Michelle Black

Created on: February 22, 2008

I can't make you leave your abusive relationship. I can tell you how to do it, but you are the one who needs to take action. It's okay. I've been where you are now. You're contemplating, you're stirring the boiling pot of emotions around and around in your head. Give me a few minutes of your time and let me explain something I've learned from my own experience.

Your abuser makes it appear that you can't live without him. They try to convince you from every angle how unworthy you are. My abuser had all the utility bills in my name, and being that he controlled the money, he didn't pay them. He thought he got me. How could I leave if my credit was so destroyed? Besides, according to him, nobody would want me. I was worthless. I was ugly and undesirable, so there was no point in me going anywhere.

Sound familiar? Now can I let you in on a little secret?

Your abuser has set this all up to distract you from the truth. In reality, the fear is all owned by your abuser, thus the elaborate schemes to make you feel so low. Your abuser is afraid that you will leave and never come back, so they have to make you believe that it's not possible.

It is possible. But don't confuse "possible" with "easy." That is why many people return to their abusers. It isn't easy. You can't just pick up and go. It just doesn't work. For example, you run out the door one day, and the next realize you left your driver's license at home. So you have to go back, and there you are. You've returned.

You have to make what I like to call, a "Great Escape." Following the Great Escape, is the "Sweetest Revenge."

To leave an abuse relationship on a permanent level, you need to plan ahead, as much as is possible. However, at any time that you feel in immediate danger, please do just run out the door. Most people know their abusers and what ignites their temper, so lay low and make your plan.

Pack some belongings. Find a suitcase or bag that your abuse won't realize is missing. You can get a cheap one a thrift store. Keep it nearby, but not on your premises. You don't want him to accidentally discover it. Keep it at a friend's, neighbor's or family member's residence. Be sure you have the most confidence in their confidentiality.

The first thing you'll need to pack are your important documents such as birth certificates, social security cards, passports, etc. Photocopy both sides of your driver's license and all debit and credit cards

Write down a list of important phone numbers, including family, friends, and

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