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Since my mothers death, I don't think too much about Mothers Day. Maybe it's too sad for me to celebrate. I see the cards in the stores and admit to tweaks of envy as I watch others choosing just the right words. All my friends still have their Moms and I notice how they try not to act excited about their plans involving their Moms. I do however think of my Mother everyday. Perhaps in my heart, everyday is Mothers Day.

Some days not having a mother, is pure sadness. Other days I celebrate the life she lived and the life she gave me. It's hard to lose your Mom, especially when she was so young. My Mom was only 62 when she died. There was still so much life our family could have enjoyed together. So many things about life, family, and my body I needed to ask as I approach my Premenopausal days. Answers only a mom could give.

Not a day goes by where, I don't talk to my mother in my own way. I ask her a ton of questions I feel I didn't have the time to ask, as she died so sudden. I ask her for guidance when decisions are bit tough. I ask her why she and I will not have the opportunity to grow old together as we often joked about. She was only 22 when I was born. We grew up together. She's gone and some days I feel lost.

I remain close to my siblings as we all lost big when Mom passed. We lost our Best Friend - our confidant. As a family, we still celebrate many holidays and birthdays together. In the summer we have family cookouts. All the gatherings are filled with love, family and fun. Everything worth celebrating. Fun as they are, there is always the feeling that something or someone, is missing. I know life will never be the same, but as she taught us, you just have to get over it and move ahead.

Mother's Day is meant as a celebration. A day to honor the woman who gave us life. The women who not only picked up the pieces to our puzzles and games, but our lives as well. A mom whose love and friendship I miss deeply and whose jokes I still treasure. A mother I never forget no matter what day of the year.

Sadness aside, Mother's Day without a Mom should not be a day to dwell. It is a day to celebrate a memory. A great memory, of a fantastic mother. So although I will not be running to the store to shell out 5.00 for a Mother's Day card. I will feel a sense of sad celebration as I place a small bouquet of her favorites on a grave marked Our Mom.

Learn more about this author, Cyn Lee.
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