by Kevin Wicker

Created on: November 09, 2006   Last Updated: October 23, 2009

I've been humbly fortunate to have many friends. Many are friends from way back. Yes, true and honest friends. My best friend - my wife - at times makes the comment, "Gee, Kev, how many Dave's do you know?" or "Is this someone I haven't met yet?"

I've never considered myself Mr. Personality, nor am I on some ego trip. I'm a complicated individual, and at times I can be very hard to understand - which isn't fodder for great relationships, I do admit.

But I can honestly say that I've been blessed with true loving friends for the majority of my life. That says a lot for them.

The one thing I've discovered about people, and finding good relationships, is that we are drawn to those who make us feel special. There's no sweeter name in the world than our own name, and we love it when we are admired.
But so often that's where it ends.

How often have we heard the old adage, "In order to have friends, you must first be a friend.." Now that's a tall order, because being a friend first means you're taking a chance on getting rejected, and nobody wants to be rejected.
That's where we have to look into the matter a bit deeper - which is the first rule of thumb in being a good friend, and having good lifelong friends.
"...You must first be a friend.." TO YOURSELF!

There's another old saying that comes to mind: "You always become someone alone." Lots of times, I like going off to my favorite places just me, myself and I. Why? Because I enjoy my own company! I even enjoy having a laugh with myself! Sound strange? Well, according to many top psychiatrists, it's very healthy. "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.." Remember that song? It's so true. How can you feel love and leave yourself out? You can't!
Healthy self acceptance is the foundation to accepting others as they are - which is vital to any relationship. You're no longer intimidated by rejection. It goes right over your head!
Without a positive self image, you're a walking vacuum; taking and very little giving. You're always needing affirmation. Sadly, you never find it, because no one wants to be in a relationship of 'all give and no take'.
I've heard said that people are only mirrors of how we see ourselves. What do you see in others when they are around you? You can be certain whatever it is you see from them is what you are giving out! If you feel love, you are giving it out. And for the most part, you are receiving it as well.

I've discovered that having lasting quality relationships, a person isn't concerned with how the other makes them feel,as much as what he/she can be for the other person. Love isn't love until you give it away! It is our nature to give of ourselves. But we cannot give of ourselves unless we have some thing inside to give!
Have you heard anyone say "I'd like to have someone in my life that makes me feel special.." You are looking at a lonely person, because they look to someone else to make them feel good about themselves. Stay away from those people! They need time alone, to have the opportunity to be their own best friend.

If you want to be that unforgettable someone, the person with a wealth of friends, a person whom people feel they can trust - start being the friend to others that you would want for yourself. And it begins with being a friend to yourself first.
Yes, not everyone will receive you. You will be rejected for certain. But knowing that up front makes it easier. Maybe the other person isn't ready for you yet. But rest assured, the quality and quantity of friends you do attract are well worth the effort.

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