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I woke up the other morning and opened Trudy, my beloved bedroom door. She looked lovely, but there was something bothering her, so she kind of caught me off guard by catching my pyjama cord with her brass door handle and smacked me in the face with the edge of her six foot, six inch wooden framed edge.

I lay on the floor for a moment reeling from pain and half sleepiness. Trudy was not Trudy anymore! I named her many things, but definitely not Trudy! I got up and slammed Trudy so hard that Eduardo, the bathroom mirror rattled and almost fell into Ashley, the sink.

I soothed my gaping wound with some cold water, until it became hot. Then I applied lotion and began to brush my Pearly Whites. I looked at Eduardo and he told me that I looked great. Liar! Well, just this particular morning.

I slammed Trudy again and got dressed. Then I went down the apples and pears in search of nourishment and support from Bubba the fridge and Clarice the coffee maker. Breakfast tasted kind of uneventful but the coffee was, as always, quite the eye opener. There, there Clarice, good job!

After slurping, I put on my jacket, grabbed my keys and cell phone and headed outside to my car. Trevor was waiting for me, as dashing as he ever was. I got in, turned the key and off I went. Bruise and all.

You are probably wondering why a lot of my inanimate household features and appliances have names? Well, that is because I love to have company. In fact, this doesn't even brush the surface. Just wait til I get to the garden shed.

I think that everything that serves a function in our lives, inanimate or not, deserves a name. After all, they cannot speak to us, so I merely offer my respect in the hope that they will respect me and in return, they will function very well. I still don't know what Trudy's issue was? And I did apologize to Eduardo!

After work that day, Trevor and I took the scenic route home. Trevor was great! He cornered perfectly and never missed a cylinder cycle. Good job Trevor! See, if you treat your stuff with respect, they will always perform, even if you neglect them once in a while. Oops, it's been five thousand miles since the last oil change. Because I love Trevor, he knows it and he will hold on for me, until I get around to taking care of him. That's what friends are all about. Right?

I returned home that evening and went up the apples and pears to change my clothes. I hadn't forgotten about Trudy. I approached her hesitantly and then it hit me, no not the door! I realized what had been bothering her. Poor Trudy had some hinge problems that I had neglected. I whipped out my can of WD40 and all was well again. Sorry dear!

See? It doesn't take much, just a few names for your loving and trustworthy inanimate objects, a little bit of spit and polish and all will be well again. Now Larry the lawn mower was coughing up a storm last Saturday, I wonder what his problem was? And by the way, inanimate? You have to be kidding me!

Learn more about this author, Jon Coe.
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