by Pamela Ashton

Created on: February 20, 2008

When I was in my mid twenties, I became, voluntarily, part of a blended family. I had one young daughter, my husband had three girls - and, along with that, I became an instant grandmother. I loved it; but that is not to say it wasn't challenging.

Being the grandmother was the easy part. Developing good relationships with the older daughters was most difficult. I was only two years older than the oldest "child". She was actually the most accepting. The younger three - his and mine - had difficulty with the adjustments. There was a bit of rebellion, and some challenging moments as the three of them adjusted to each other as well. We made it through by not taking ourselves too seriously, learning to laugh together and communicating well to find common ground. It wasn't always easy; the key was persistence and patience.

Because of my own young age, I had a lot to learn about making the relationships work. Learn I did, through a lot of trial and error. I learned that just because you are in a parental role, you aren't always right, and admitting it goes a long way to smoothing over rough spots. I learned that being honest in all your dealings with your children, and working hard at loving them no matter what, also paves the way to happiness within the family. Compromise is another necessary element; sometimes it isn't "my way or the highway," but it's "a little bit of this and a little bit of that." Every voice must be heard, every opinion taken into consideration.

All of our children are now grown with children of their own. I'm grateful for the deep friendship I have with the older girls; because of the closeness in our ages, I never tried to be a "mother" to them, just a good friend. My youngest daughter is now my best friend. The grandchildren are the lights of my life. I love them beyond measure.

One thing that made a huge difference early on, is that my spouse and I made the decision that there were no "steps" in our family. All our children were Our children - not his or mine. We were united in everyway in our relationships with each child. Our family has now expanded to include great grandchildren. The circle of love in our lives continues, and our happiness in our "blended" family keeps expanding.

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