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Mother Arrested For Nursing Her Baby At Hooters.

Below Knee, Alabama (12:52p.m. EST)

A young mother was arrested earlier today on indecent exposure charges for nursing her baby at a Hooters restaurant where she had reluctantly gone with her husband and friends to celebrate his 30th birthday.

One of the waitresses called the police when she noticed that the mother's blouse was up and the baby was sucking on her breast.

When asked why she called the police, the waitress replied with such vigor that her Dolly Partons almost gave another waitress a black eye, "That's child abuse. Only growed up men are supposed to do that."

When this reporter reminded her that feeding babies was the primary function for which nature created said objects, the nineteen-year-old waitress swung her blonde hair vigorously, snapped her chewing gum, and said "Oh!" "I thought that was what bottles were for."

A patron who couldn't keep his eyes off of the waitress, chimed in. "Yeah. That's obscene. Breastfeeding babies in public should be outlawed."

"Yeah. She should have at least done it in the bathroom, " piped up a short, fat, balding man in his fifties, whose jeans were slung so low in the back, I could see about an inch of what I had no desire to see.

As the cops led the woman from the restaurant, a woman hollered, "You got what you deserved, baby." I turned to see who had hollered and noticed that the sun coming through the window was gleaming off of two rings in the woman's belly button. After looking at her halter top, I mentally noted that if she were to become an actress, she might want to take the stage name Demitasse.

As the cops led the woman to the patrol car, I couldn't help but notice the adult store down the block and a billboard of a woman in a skimpy bikini advertising the lottery. I also noticed St. Cecilia's Church across the road. The stained glass windows were beautiful, and just to the right of the front door was one showing Mary holding baby Jesus to her breast.

When I pointed out the stain glass window to the arresting officer, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "That's just a picture. If it was real, I would of had to arrest her too."

Learn more about this author, Dan Weaver.
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