Communicating with teenagers can be like driving in a dense fog. If we are very careful, we can navigate into a safe zone. There is a high likelihood, however, that we could become disoriented and hit a brick wall.

The teenage years are overflowing with paradox and contradictions. The parental angst while attempting to reach some competent level of understanding in these precarious years is mild compared with what the teenager is experiencing. He is caught between an outgrown childhood and not yet qualifying for adulthood. He is taught to make his own judgments and form his own opinions, and then reprimanded when he tries to do so.

Communication is the answer to resolving most issues between parents and their semi adult offspring. There are two components to satisfactory communication. There is talking and listening. With some effort, most parents become quite adept with listening. Talking, on the other hand, can often run the relationship with the teen into a ditch and bring all future communication to a standstill.

Here are some phrases a parent will not want to use with a teenager:

* "As long as you are under my roof..."

These words are an open invitation for a teenager to shut down and move out. If your teen cannot physically remove himself from "under your roof," you can be assured he will become mentally absent and unavailable for further discussion. The philosophy, "My roof, my rules" will encourage teenage rebellion.

* "When I was your age..."

The parent may be attempting to set example and impart words of wisdom from his own experience, but the teen's interpretation of this phrase will be that the parent is "preaching," out of touch with reality, and has a total lack of understanding of the teenager's life. Beginning any sentence with this phrase is regarded as criticism from the teen's perspective.

* "Because I said so."

This is perhaps the most lethal of the three deadly phrases. This statement conjures up a lack of control over his own life from the teen's point of view. Concrete reasons the teen can assimilate, but a dictatorship mentality on the part of the parent is the ultimate turn off to any future discourse.

Listening is the most valuable component of conversation with a teenager. Allow the young adult to initiate the communication and resist the urge to interrupt before he fully expresses his point of view. Respect his opinions and voice approval whenever possible.

If there is a decision

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