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Two different men become involved in extra-marital affairs. Each of the men ends his affair and decides to work at his marriage. One of the men lies to his wife and lives out a long and happy marriage. The other feels compelled to tell the truth, his wife leaves him saying she can never trust him again. Which of the men is the more honest? Which one deserved to keep his wife?

We value honesty as an important trait, one we desire to instill in our children. We expect honesty in our close relationships. The lack of it is a reason to discard a relationship, lose a job, or go to prison. Each of us believes we are basically honest people, even if we are forced into a lie now and then.

We live in a judgmental society, so sure that we understand wrong from right, sin from virtue, good from evil. We are so confidant, that we determine a hierarchy, stealing is worse than lying but not as bad as murder. Some sins are worse than others; therefore, some people are better than others. Ours is a society that believes one person to be more righteous than another. We have forgotten that none of us lives the life of a Saint.

When we demand honesty of others, we are asking for an opportunity to judge. Add to that the fear of rejection, and it's no wonder so many people hide the truth. We hide our past, hide our feelings, and hide our opinions. We are afraid to let anyone see the real person, the truth about us, lest they decide we are in some way unworthy of something we want or something we already have.

It is part of my core values to accept everyone as they are. Even in my most virtuous moment, I'm not perfect. Whatever my transgressions, I don't claim that they make me a less sinful person than anyone else. Each one of us is sinful in our own way. Whether lying is better than stealing or better than murder is not for me to decide. In the same way, each of us occupies a valuable place in the world.

We ought never to demand something of others that we are not willing to give of ourselves. In fact, we shouldn't demand that others be completely honest even if we are willing to do the same. When we ask a question and demand an answer, we put people in a precarious position. Either they reveal something they don't want to reveal, make up an acceptable lie, or risk insulting us by refusing to answer. For me, honesty is the right thing, but that doesn't mean I have to share everything about myself, any time a question is asked. I don't expect the same of others.

I have people in my life

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