by Thomas Hopkins

Created on: February 16, 2008

It is unfortunate that I have seen both sides of the coin.

As a child growing up in an abusive home I've seen every kind of
abuse there is.Though frequent violence was only a small part of it
it is the part that is more comprehensible than the other forms of
abuse and so almost easy to excuse in light of everything else.

I said almost!

When your the one who is violent you think of the reasons you lost

your self control and then try to blame it on the person you abused
rather than to be man enough to admit that your the one at fault and
your the one who lost your self control instead of finding alternative
solutions to deal with the problem.

Out of love and sometimes out of fear and humiliation or just to keep
the peace the victim will often agree that they where the one in the
wrong.This then allows the abuser to justify the action in their mind
and so the cycle of violence continues until the abusers comes to the
realization that what they are doing is sick and wrong or until the
victim decides to leave or retaliate.

If the victim decides to retaliate that it gives the abuser more fuel
for the fire and more reasons and excuses to do violence.

As a person who depends on the person who is abusive for their survival
such as a child or wife it is difficult to leave the situation especially
if these are the only people that you really know in your life and you've
been moved around so many times as to assure that these where the only people
that you knew in the world.

When the abusers have a hard time justifying their cruelty in their own minds
they look to outside sources for support and spin their reasoning until they
get the response they are looking for.Thus making it even more difficult to walk
away.Before long the victim becomes the abuser and the predator becomes the prey
and the abuser amplifies their abuse and invites other abusers into the situation
and the victim justifies in their own mind vengeance.Before long the victim will
become the abuser and blame it on the bad guy when he or she goes above and beyond
rational levels of retaliation,And so the dysfunction continues.

It would be so much easier to walk away and emotionally detach if you don't have much
of a bond with the person to begin with.This is one of the reasons that I have had
difficulty making lasting friendships and relationships.

There's always the possibility of somehow winding up on either side of the coin
and becoming the victim or the abuser.

The victims often become depressed and withdrawn.
Angry with the injustice but more so with themselves
for not being able to stand up for themselves in the
situations of physical abuse or psycho/social combat
more commonly known as "spin".

In the long run it is easier to walk away but in the thick of things
it is the most difficult thing you can ever do in your life.

There is a lust for violence.A thirst so strong it's hard to fight
against.It can be justified to cash in on what is rightfully yours
as vengeance.

There are better ways to do things.This is true,but so hard to see in
light of the moment.

That's when you need to get others to step in.
Give it to the law and then give it to god.

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