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by the abuser to the point where the victim feels powerless.

Abusers even go to the extreme of touting undying love. They state, "It will never happen again." This starts the honeymoon stage all over again. A victim wants to believe the person they love really is sorry and tends to believe the lies.

Many abusers use the suicide card to get their victim to stay or return. No one wants to be responsible for someone taking his or her own life so the emotional strain increases. Some abuses have even gone as far as to attempt to end their life if front of their victim to add a greater impact.

The night I left my abusive husband was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Luckily there were no children involved. I had become an alcoholic and in my bruised befuddled mind I was contemplating killing my abuser. That night came down to him or me. I decided I was going to survive. After watching a movie called "The Burning Bed" starring Farrah Fawcet and seeing my life played out on the screen, my decision was made. I escaped while saving both our lives.

It took a couple of years of counseling to come to terms with the effect domestic violence has had on my life. Victims have to realize the abuse isn't their fault.

That was twenty years ago. Since that time I have served as a Domestic Violence Coordinator and advocate during those years. I have watched many victims return to the violent environment because it is familiar. Entering a world on your own when you still feel vulnerable can be your undoing.

One never truly walks away from domestic violence even when they leave. The tapes remain and come back at various times in your life. We are surrounded by stories of domestic violence daily. Most of these are spouses who have killed their victims or victims who have snapped. Each time we see an article or hear this on television the thoughts return. That could have been me.

One of the statements that make me the maddest is, "she must like it or she would leave." No a victim does not like being abused but it isn't easy to walk away.

Learn more about this author, Dee Cain.
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