by Maura Mahon

Created on: February 16, 2008

We've all heard the phrase "to be mortified" meaning to be gravely embarrassed. My own experience of falling in public gave that particular expression extra significance insofar as it involved a funeral, a hearse and a congregation of mourners.

It was a cold, wet Saturday morning about ten years ago and I was accompanying my husband to the funeral service for his grandmother. He has a large extended family and the church was full of relatives, friends and acquaintances come to pay their last respects and extend their sympathy to the family. Obviously, given the circumstances it was, at least initially, a fairly sombre affair. At the time my eldest daughter was a babe in arms.

The service concluded, the coffin was carried to the waiting hearse, parked at the foot of the small staircase descending from the church entrance. The immediate family followed including me with my daughter in my arms. As I went down the stairs I slipped on the wet surface and, conscious of the baby, twisted to protect her from the fall. The next thing I knew I was flat on my back, staring at the exhaust system of the hearse with only my legs and lower torso visible to the throng. My husband, who was at the time accepting the condolences of a wellwisher indside the church, later advised that when someone came rushing in exclaiming "a woman's fallen under the hearse" he just knew there was only one possible culprit.

At that particular juncture I was lying in agony, a shooting pain searing through my leg but my biggest injury was undoubtedly to my pride. The only good thing as a far as I could establish was that my face was hidden from the view of the ever increasing throng all keen to see the idiot who had managed to disrupt the funeral. I was however slightly cheered by the obvious concern I could hear in the voices of those careful enough to remain standing, until that is it became clear that my infant daughter was the prime focus of attention. Fortunately, she was alright and she was quickly removed to a more comfortable location.

When you make a fool of yourself you want it over as quickly and as quietly as possible. Was I that lucky? Not a chance. Not only had I fallen under a car (which just happened to be carrying the coffin of the recently deceased,)I had also managed to jam myself against the chassis and was unable to extricate myself. To add insult to injury the driver, who must have been the only person unaware of the ongoing drama, started up the engine and began to set off. Brought

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