by K. Andaya

Created on: February 16, 2008

In early 2005 I sat in front of my mother's investment banker trying to not seem insensitive to the fact that she had passed away unexpectedly 4 days before. The fact was she had money with the company and I was the family "banker". My sister and I were left with a house full of items and a small amount of money to deal with, that as we would later find out needed to go through probate. The fact was, we had a $7000.00 funeral bill with no means to pay it. We dived further into my mother's world, which always seemed pristine, and found that the one thing she never did was update her will after divorcing our father. What followed was a year of estate probate and a lawyer who billed us over $8000.00 for doing pretty much nothing.

Grief stricken families are often faced with the unfamiliar task of dividing up an inheritance after a love one dies. This can not only be emotionally draining, but can often lead to misunderstanding, poor communication and disrespect in the family dynamic. Unfortunately, it is not like the movies when a lawyer reads the will at a big meeting after the funeral and it is meticulously outlined what each heir will receive down to the penny. If you have no idea of what your parent's wishes were, you maybe forced to deal directly with a lawyer to settle any accounts or finances.

First and foremost, the most important thing is to allow all persons involved to grieve. You are most likely going to be dealing with a major emotional blow, and to dive right into the deceased individuals possessions might take an even bigger emotional toll on your family members. Bear in mind, everyone deals with death in their own way. If time permits be respectful of the grieving time your family needs, put the items away to deal with at a later date. Anything that needs immediate attention must be dealt with, but sensible planning will allow everyone to prepare for the task ahead.

A reasonable approach to splitting an inheritance could start with gathering the family together and going over the will, if there is one. This may give clues to who was awarded what, either financially or materially. If there are specific items named in the will then those should be followed. There is reason why the deceased awarded these the way they did. Establishing everyone's intent to assets is also important. You may be surprised to find that one family member may not be interested in particular assets that are to be divided because of specific tax ramifications. It may be wise

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