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I'd like to say a few words on behalf of God. I know, some of you are already feeling a bit nervous and squirmy. Relax- I'm not selling Watch Towers, and I'm not promoting any religious cult. Not even our own laid-back congregation, which consists mostly of people who love to fish.

At Saint Pickerel's, our mission and our vision are the same- Procrastination Without Guilt. We're waiting to select a pastor until the contractor puts the finishing touches on our new church. He's also a member of the congregation, and I'll have to give him a call in a week or two, to see when he plans to start the excavation.

But to return to God, (figuratively speaking of course) I feel God hasn't been given enough credit for his precedent setting accomplishments- Being first with many things that we either take for granted now, or worse, argue about who or what deserves the credit. Just as one small example- take our universe. Well, sure, it's big now- really big- but scientists have reached a consensus that it wasn't always that way. They say it used to be a really compact high density glob of stuff- like a huge super ball- just seething with the energy of elemental particles like neutrenas, ectospasms and croutons.

So, I can picture God just hanging out one day, shortly before creation, wondering which he should invent first- the trumpet, which would get Gabriel off his back, (so to speak), or the throne , so he'd have something to relax in after his labors- which, being God, he knew were coming. Anyway, there he is, idly tossing this super compact ball back and forth, maybe thinking, "By myself, if I had at least two more of these, I could create juggling." Then, deciding to let his awesome mind dwell on how this might be done, he__puts__the__ball__down!

Well, since nothing has been created up to that point, you can see there's no place for it to rest- so it just drops thru space for a million light years or so, picking up speed until it's going a hundred skillion miles a second and glowing like a fireball from Hell- which also hadn't been created yet, for what would be the point, since there was no one available to manage it.

Eventually the fireball gets to the place where the curvature of space deflects it around in this enormous arc, and it goes whooshing back towards God. By now he has the juggling thing worked out to his satisfaction, and is lounging in the prototype of the first throne, with his hands over his ears while Gabriel is teaching himself to play the trumpet.

Now, being all-knowing, God is aware of the fireball's imminent arrival. Soon, in it roars, up goes God's mighty hand- and BLAM! The Big Bang occurs- and another precedent has been set- for the first High Five- and you can't get any higher than that.

Learn more about this author, Armanda Legg.
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