by Barbara A. Clark

Created on: February 15, 2008

A Hug and a Kiss

I just recently returned from visiting my mother in her assisted living facility, which is filled with many patients who suffer from Alzheimer's Disease, and other forms of dementia. As always on my visits to her, I am touched by the beautiful souls of people who are residing there. What follows is my recent encounter with a woman I will call Betty.

Betty spends most of her time working on jigsaw puzzles. In the course of a day and into the evenings, one can usually find her sitting in the main living room lounge, quietly working at a small table on a jigsaw puzzle. When she is not solving a puzzle, she is usually asking staff and anyone else who crosses her path or with whom she can make eye contact, for something to eat or drink. Many a time, she has just returned from eating in the dining room when she asks for something. I imagine different reasons why she does this, including the obvious that she has forgotten that she just ate. Perhaps she was always a "snacker" like many of us, and is continuing in her old habits to pass the time; or perhaps she associates jigsaw puzzles with food and drink as this was her life in her home before. Whatever the reason, she is known as the woman who asks for food and drink over and over again in the course of her waking hours. She has often asked me and I try to direct her to a staff member, who can decide whether she can have something or not.

As I was rolling my suitcase towards the door in preparation for my departure to the airport, Betty approached me, with her usual, sweet demeanor, and stood face-to-face with me, with this look of anticipation like a young child expresses when asking for something really special. I'm thinking to myself that she surely is going to ask me for something to eat or drink and wondering what I will say to her this time as I cannot fulfill her request. But yesterday, much to my surprise, she asked me for something I could give her. This time she asked, "Can I get a hug and a kiss?"

I was at first reluctant since I have had a sore throat all week, but she was already standing so close to me, I figured that as long as I turned my cheek so that she could kiss me, she would be spared from any germs I might be carrying. So I hugged her and turned my cheek. Her arms didn't exactly reciprocate, but I squeezed her with my embrace pouring as much love as I could to this gentle, sweet woman. She landed a very big kiss on my left cheek.

I smiled at her, feeling happy that I could give

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