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I would love to say I have a positive attitude. I'm 25 years old, I have a gorgeous baby girl and I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in the summer. I also have relapsing-remitting MS and suffer bouts of tunnel blindness, colour loss, and foot and hand numbness. The outlook for MS is changing; sufferers tend to live a normal life for a good 20-30 years before being possibly confined to a wheelchair. Not the end of the world. Life is fine, right now, and believe it or not, things look rosy.

This wouldn't be the way most people would like me to see things, however. My over-enthusiastic healthcare professionals feel the best way to deal with my troublesome problem is to force drugs through my skin every other day to 'see what happens'. If I protest that the tremors I experience are worse than the symptoms themselves, so much so that sometimes I fear that I might drop my baby girl, I get firmly reminded that if I don't take the drugs, I might never, EVER be able to look after her again. Sensitive huh? You said it.

Well meaning friends and relatives remind me on a daily basis that I need to make the most of today as I never know what might happen tomorrow, at the same time refusing to let me lead a normal life in case I tire my self out. Employers take a glance at my medical record, and, despite the so called 'equal opportunity' laws in the UK, somehow my application gets lost or some other excuse is found to offer the position to a more 'suitable' applicant. So, I figure - stop relying on other people and go into business for yourself! Therein lies my downfall - no self-respecting financial institution will loan funds to such a high risk borrower such as myself. Government assistance is in short supply, and in any case, I don't want to live off somebody else' hand-outs. Holidays are difficult as the insurance premium is so high I could afford to go on three holidays if I 'forgot' to pay for insurance each time. In short, life is MADE hard. I have drive, I have ambition, I am independent. I am also facing a brick wall.

So, where to for me? Well, as it stands at the moment, money is tight, the mortgage repayment is in serious difficulty and there are no prospects of returning to work to help pay the bills as my illness stands in the way. My little girl continues to grow into a beautiful toddler, one day into a beautiful woman. Yes, my body will continue to fight against me until one day I give in to the power of this disease. My friends and family will continue to stand by me in their own, slightly eccentric way, and I will find my path in this life. My hopes for the future are high - I will fight against the outdated attitude of people with illnesses being no more than the walking dead, and I will find a place where I am appreciated in this society.

So, in answer to the question: Yes, a positive attitude helps enormously when facing a chronic illness; but only if that positivity is allowed to shine through. Please, lets' give evrybody a chance.

Learn more about this author, Claire Ansell.
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