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Gratuities are based purely on the performance of the server. Not whether the table was prepared to your liking before you sat down. Not whether your drinks were just right, or if your steak was perfectly prepared.

When people say that servers rely on tips for their livelihood, they mean exactly that. $2.23 per hour is the minimum legal wage a server can earn in my home state. Experience and seniority have no bearing.

Instead, these factors garner the server more tables, their choice of shifts, and the section they prefer to work in.

Many people misunderstand what happens to their tips once they are collected.

If you are someone who decides your gratuity based on anything other than your server's attentiveness, ability, desire and work ethic you are not only performing a disservice, you do not understand the process.

Every other employee (save for bartender) earns a fair hourly wage based on the minimum wage structure of their State. So if you deduct from your tip because the table wasn't properly bused, or your food didn't knock your socks off - your protest is falling on deaf ears.

You may be aware that servers usually share a portion of their tips with the busing staff. What you may not be aware of is that this is a required percentage. So if you've shorted your waitress because the table wasn't cleaned to your liking when you first sat down she still loses the same percentage of the tip. The busboy has no idea he's being punished. And since you didn't clarify your substandard tip to the server, she can't inform him. In either case, she can't cut his percentage.

Some servers tip-out the kitchen, but this is usually voluntary and based on a night of great tips where customers raved about the food. If you cut your tip based on the performance of the kitchen staff your message has not been received.

Most restaurants with a full-service bar require the servers to tip-out the bartender. So if you cut your tip due to unsatisfactory drinks, you have once again taken money out of the server's pocket.

In a typical restaurant these days, servers must report their tips and declare a percentage for taxes at the end of every shift. It is no longer left to the employee's discretion whether to accurately claim their income. The standard where I live is around 8%. So if you've decreased your tip for something outside the server's control, her take-home pay just took another hit.

Keep in mind that your server has bills to pay and a family to support. Impossible tasks on salary alone. The work is physically demanding, and the pressure is incredible. Managers don't care whether the complaining patron is an inebriated jerk with loose hands and a looser tongue, and customers don't care if the kitchen is full of rookies.

It is never okay to forego the tip altogether, except under the most extreme circumstances. To send a message based purely on bad service: tip 5% or 10%. When properly used, such a tip sends a much stronger message than none at all. No tip might mean you forgot. Maybe you couldn't afford it. Or perhaps you're just a jerk. A purposely low tip says that you were substantially unhappy with the server's performance.

The server is the face of the establishment, and as such they take a lot of abuse. If he or she is clearly doing their best to satisfy your desires and make your experience a pleasant one, their efforts deserve to be recognized.

Learn more about this author, Kevin Reilly.
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