by Cathy Cosentino

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I am not a soccer mom. My daughters play soccer and I even coach one of their teams, but I still do not view myself as a soccer mom. I do not have the van, or the required bumper stickers and I tend not to heckle the players. I like to sit and watch and cheer. I like to see my daughters enjoying themselves, running up and down the field. When they were little I used to find it amusing that the girls were more interested in the daffodils that grew on the field than the ball headed their way. I reminisce with joy my little girl picking up her best friend after a play and dusting her off even though they were on opposite teams. My beginning experiences were so innocent and joyful. Then, as my eldest daughter grew and became a more proficient player, we entered the world of travel soccer.

Travel soccer is a collection of all sorts. There are those who truly give of themselves purely for the sake of the children and for the love of the sport. Then there are the others. I have witnessed grown men screaming and yelling and turning shades of red and blue because a player did not make the expected play. I have seen coaches play their children for the full game and leave others on the bench. Some coaches "coach" using fear and intimidation. They attribute the success of the team to their coaching style and the failures to the girls deficiencies. As I witness these men I wonder what is missing in their lives. Perhaps the coach wishes he was a C.E.O. in some company. Lacking authority at work, he finds it on the field. Unfortunately, to the detriment of his team. The girls come to practice no longer for the love of the sport, but because they do not want to face the wrath of their coach. Watching my daughter change from a confident and strong player into an insecure and weak one, I felt great sadness. This young girl who loved to play soccer dreaded going to practice. She did not enjoy the game. Because the coach would not change his style, we searched for one who knew how to coach.

To coach 13 year old girls does not require humiliation but encouragement. One must not lose sight that as a coach one is also a role model. If a coach encourages cheating and poor sportsmanship the girls learn that method of play on and off the field. When a coach treats a player unfairly, the girls learn that the means justify the ends. Coaching is more than winning a game. Coaching involves life lessons. As a result, it is important for a coach to be fair and kind, supportive and patient. Coaching styles can make or break a team. In my daughter's experience, the change in coaching style from madness to professionalism brought joy back into the sport of soccer. My daughter's confidence has returned. She races to the ball. Every game she gives it her all. In the background I hear her new coach yell, "that's the way to do it! Nice job". The girls giggle and joke with each other. The coach praises their accomplishments and gently guides them when they falter. He teaches without them being aware. Most importantly, the love of the sport is fostered in a new generation.

Learn more about this author, Cathy Cosentino.

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